March 30, 2010

And the Oscar goes to?

I have said it before, and I will say it again. Thank you to all my peeps and you know who you are. This past year has been the craziest, most emotionally draining ride I have ever been on. Without your love and support I am not sure where I would be, but I know it would not be as good as where I am.


Have picked me up when I was down
Wiped my tears
Carried my home when I had too much to drink
Helped me move and get settled again
Strengthened my back bone when needed
Commiserated, vented and listened to my endless stream of diarrhea of the mouth
Reeled me in when necessary
AND shoved me in the right direction

I am better because of you. Thank you seems so inadequate. Just know that I have your back if you ever need me. Know that I appreciate you more than words can express.

One of the most interesting parts of all of this is finding out who was just nice to your face because they had to be, and who really counted you as a friend. Mtown is, for all intents and purposes, a small town and word travels like wildfire. I knew several people in my community through my children and through the sports organizations they were a part of. I always knew in my marriage that I was the loud/vocal/more outgoing of the two but I never thought it would be "held" against me when our paths went separate ways.

Now, before you are start in on the "you don't need them crap" let me just say this: I know who my friends are. I surround myself with the best crew a girl could ask for. What is so frustrating about the whole situation is that these people are so narrow minded they cannot see the "light" in this instance.

Because I was so good at covering HEE HAW and what really went on behind the scenes, and because he was so good at putting up a front for the public, people automatically assumed it was my fault, and a year later still do.

Well, I have learned myself pretty well over these last 12 months and let me tell you this about that. The kind of people who take sides in all this are not people I need in my life. The kind of people who don't realize it takes TWO people to make a relationship work are deluding themselves. AND the kind of people who jump ship based on what THEY THINK happened are not people I want to associate with. E.V.E.R.

I am a strong woman. I can do just about anything I set my mind to, especially with a posse like mine. Who, by the way, you should all want backing you up! These ladies have taken private investigation to a whole new level. I feel like I have my own Charlie's Angels..........

Ladies: come on down and accept this award. And my sincerest thanks. For all you do/have done/will do in the future. I am literally bowing at your feet with admiration.

March 25, 2010

My New Title

Hi, my name is Banjo and I am a divorcee. Yep, that is my new title. I will work it, own it and cherish it like noboy's business.

I started off this morning with an upset stomach. With my trip to the courthouse loomin gin my head I could barely choke down my coffee. I worked a 1/2 day in order to keep my mind busy. I drove to the lawyers office so we could make sure I had all the correct copies and we walked to the courthouse together. She warned me on the way over that I may get emotional while standing in front of the judge and there would be kleenex there for me.

HEE HAW was already there when we marched up the courthouse steps. The lawyer and I grabbed the master file from the clerl's office and went to put our name on the list. There were a few cases before us and so now all we had to do was sit and wait.

When our name was called I knew what to expect. The lawyer would ask a few questions in front of the judge to make sure all info listed in documents was correct, then the judge would sign off and we were free to go. Well, that all SOUNDS great but in actuality I got through the first 2 questions no problem and then the floodgates opened. I had all these emotions coursing through my veins and it caught me completely off guard. The whole time I just faced the judge, even though HEE HAW was standing to my right until I could compose myself.

We stamped all of our documents and went our seperate ways. I thanked the lawyer, called CHB and then cried most of the way home, another surprise for me. I really felt like I had this all wrapped up emotionally, but I guess I had a few more tears to shed huh?

I DO feel a sense of relief now that this mess is all wrapped up. 14 years is a long time to give to anyone. Now the "fun" begins. Finding out if there is anyone who would be willing to date/understand/tolerate/cherish this bundle of anxiety that carries a hell of a lot of baggage. So what am I doing now? Enjoying a glass of wine, eating apeice of chocolate cake and watching Modern Family.

March 24, 2010

Tomorrow is the big day

I am headed to court tomorrow to finalize my divorce. I find that I have some mixed emotions swirling through me tonight. I feel anxious, excited, sad and dazed, to name a few. 14 years is a long time to be attached to another person/partner/husband/man. I am anxious and excited to get this wrapped up, but am sad for a few reasons: I never thought I would be here, I am setting a horrible example for my children and I am grieving the loss of a spouse. Although I really feel like I am happier than I have ever been, apparently this is the part in the divorcees life where you wonder if you will be single for the rest of your life.

More to come tomorrow after this has been signed sealed and delivered.

March 22, 2010

Penny, Nickel, Dime and Updates

We will get to the money later. Wait for it......... you know it will be worth it!

Doodle is working towards a large project with her Girl Scout troop. It is an award they can only earn as a Junior Girl Scout. Trying to make HEE HAW see the importance and put that on the "important" list in life will be a struggle until Doodle no longer wants to be a part of it. (Since HEE HAW does not think this organization is a "group of feminists" it is hard for him to see the importance of what this group has done for her as a growing girl.)
I am a grown woman: I should no better than to answer a call from HEE HAW at 12:15 in the morning. 'Nuff said.
Monthly Hood dinner with the hoodlings and my peeps. Thanks to the Corn Hustler for hosting, and thanks to Jgurl for bringing the "fruit juice"...........

And you know I took pics of the food right???? Yeah, it was good. I stuffed myself. Something had to soak up all that juice!

Man I am hungry again just looking at it again...........
Cleaned the shower, toilet, sink and mirror in the bathroom. (It still smelled fresh this morning). With kids, you know the feeling does not last very long, so I will take it when I can get it. Also washed all the sheets and towels, did the dishes and the laundry. Whew..........
Met HEE HAW's girlfriend Sunday. Interesting to say the least...........

Now, since you waited, and were sitting on pins and needles with nervous energy, here ya go!

HEE HAW submitted updated paperwork to the lawyer that shows he pays more per month now in healthcare costs for the chitlins since it was last reviewed October '09. What this means is a significant decrease in support to me per month.
So the dilemma for me is this: do I accept the lower amount, no questions asked? Or do I fight for the higher amount until I pay off my car?
There are a couple of reasons this is a sticking point for me: I was the one who had to leave "our" home, buy new furniture for my place, and take the car that still had money owed on it. I did not ask for 1/2 his 401k, demand to be kept on the health insurance (even though I had non of my own) and did not ask for any help with the credit card bill (which I also inherited).
So, it seems to me I have already taken it in the shorts. I feel like I let myself be taken advantage of when I moved out because I was not in a good place emotionally, and now I am being asked to bend over and take it up the arse again. Too much info? Maybe so. I just don't think he will accept the higher amount, even though I am getting the short end of ther stick. To hear him talk I am taking him for a ride..........
I am anxious to get this all wrapped up but at the same time I finally feel that I am standing up for myself. Just don't know if it is worth it or not. It is literally down to the penny, although I am not sure what it is 12 months later that he has to "have" so much  money for. Oh, wait, yes I do. It is the new "love" of his life.

March 19, 2010

Frickity Frack

CHB, her hubby, kids (PIA and HOW) and I all headed to the school lottery last night. Doodle called me and said she wanted to go to the choir concert and wanted ME at the lottery instead. So I went. And oh man, you could cut the tension in that room with a knife. There were only 58 spots open to incoming 6th graders and the school only has room for a  total of 170 students between 6th-8th grade.

We were given the master list of kids when we walked in. Each child was assigned a number and there was a corresponding number chip on the table. Once everyone sat down the numbers were put in a box. There were 95 names on the list. It was random draw selection to see who got those 58 spots.

I did not realize how nervous I would be. My heart was beating rapidly and my palms were sweating. The numbers kept getting drawn and none of them were "76" for PIA or "80" for Doodle. It finally got to where all 58 were filled and they took a break. Lots of tears and tension in the room......... the principal let us know that if you made it to the first 10 on the waiting list that you still had a chance to get it.

I look over to CHB and she is distrught and poor PIA can not hold herself together. She had been nervous/anxious/nail biting from the get go but now tears were streaming down her face. We left the school and started to drive home to the sound of sobbing from the back seat. It was hard to listen to..........

I called Doodle when the concert was over and told her she did not make it and she cried. It felt awful to be the bearer of bad news but I am thankful she was not there. I am not sure she would have been able to hold it together.....
I am glad that both girls did not make it because I could not imagine what it would do to these girls and their relationship, especially since they have been best friends since age 2.

CHB was devastated and I did not know how to console her. Due to the way this school is set up it would be the BEST place for her child to be. I can only be thankful that PIA has CHB as a mom. She will be her advocate and make sure that she gets the best of whatever comes. My heart hurts for these two. I wish there was more I could do, I wish there were more schools like this, and I wish I cold wave my magic wand and make it all better. It is not the end of the world that these girls did not make it in to this school, but it is a low blow.

March 18, 2010

Junior High

So Doodle and CHB's daughter PIA have this amazing opportunity for Junior High here in Mtown. There is a very small learning community Junior High that is accepting applications for the 2010/2011 school year. This school is different from the standard middle school in that for 6th, 7th and 8th grade all students will have the same teachers for all subjects. It is a great way to attack teaching because in 6th grade the teacher can identify a particular child's learning pattern and then apply that all the way through 8th grade.

There are over 100 applicants so far and there are only like 50 spots (I assume that is how many 8th graders are leaving the program). So what they do in this instance is hold a lottery. Well, that is tonight. Doodle and PIA have a choir concert tonight as well and Doodle has yet to decide which she would rather be at. The choir teacher gave the girls the all clear to do either.

Now here comes the fun part: because there is a lottery each child is assigned a number and the numbers are drawn random fashion like Bingo. Both girls could get in, both girls could not make it, but what if only ONE of them gets in???? CHB and I have both talked with our daughters about this possibility and they both say they understand but do they really? These 2 have been stuck like glue to each other since the age of 2..... it breaks my heart to see the anguish on their faces already about this.

That all being said, if neither one makes it, they will go to a perfectly fine Junior High here in Mtown. They can play sports and take music or art, just like they can at the other Junior High. CHB and I both feel our children will accel in the smaller community.
My personal hope is that Doodle decides to go to the lottery and not the concert but I will respect her decision no matter what. Who knows? What if she is not able to handle watching the lottery? So to all of you in blogland, cross your fingers, your toes and whatever else you got. Doodle and PIA need it!

March 17, 2010

Nickel or Dime?

Which do you want? The nickel or the dime? Personally, I will take both. However, HEE HAW says I get one or the other. Yep, you guessed it. I am being nickeled and dimed by the father of my children. This whole divorce process sucks and it appears HEE HAW still is able to affect me. Just when I thought I had it all under wraps, and I was this close to the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow WHAM! Dumb ass schmeckle. You earned that title all on your own!

So, do I take the amount he is "offering"? I use this word loosely because given the chance he would not pay at all. I am so conflicted. Do I fight for what I think is right and drag this on forever? Or do I accept this and hope he gets screwed in the end? Hmmmmmmmm

March 15, 2010

Lil C and Doodle Update

So Doodle lost 2, ya count 'em 2, teeth on Friday night. She had lost one right after school while eating a Nature Valley granola bar. There was one right behind that which was loose as well. Doodle and Lil C were trying every trick in the book to get that other tooth out: twisting, pulling, tying string around the tooth AND the door handle to try and yank it out. Finally after 30 minutes of twisting she pulled it out! Now you see it, now you don't!

So Doodle says to me; "Mom, don't you think 2 teeth in one day deserves $5 from the tooth fairy?" In which I reply: "$5? That seems like a LOT of money to me for two teeth......" In which she replies: "Well I am worth it!" Aaaahhhh, at least she thinks so! And what do you know? The tooth fairty brought her $5 in quarters the next day!

Now, Lil C is another matter. That kid. He was grounded until Friday at my house. He finally earned his phone back and so far so good. I hope his time with the po-po of Mtown helped him realize he does not want to be anywhere NEAR them again. Fingers crossed y'all.

My 2 Cents Worth

CHB and I watched a movie on Saturday night. "Precious" W.O.W. This movie will grip you in the first few minutes and not let you go until the end.

The movie is based upon the book "Push" by Sapphire. I read some background on her, and now I want to read the book to see if anything was lost in translation. This film is directed by Lee Daniels, and although I have never seen any of his other work, I am kind of interested now. It took a strong person (Sapphire) to be able to write this story down, and to see it happen around her, but it takes an equally strong person to capture the essence of it on film. Mo'nique shocked me. Her acting was so believable.....

So I say to all of you: See. This. Movie. It is thought provoking and heart wrenching at the same time. Worth the 2 hours for sure.

March 12, 2010

This goes out to all the tweeny boppers of America

You are being put on notice. That's right. By ME. Those of you who are American Idol fans know what I am talking about. How in the world Paige or Katie could have been put through over Lilly I will never understand. I really appreciated Lilly's attitude about what happened and I hope to hear some music from her very soon.......

As far as the guys go: mostly not surprised. With the exception of Tim Urban over Alex Lambert. Tim has ONE good week and America is ready to back him 100%, or at least enough to get in to the top 12. Whatever!

I purposely waited until Top 12 week this year to vote. Mustake on my part? Maybe. Although I doubt that my couple of votes would have made the difference.

My favorites go as follows: Crystal Bowersox, Andrew Garcia, Michael Lynche and Lacey Brown. I am interested in Lee Dewyze proving me wrong and wonder how far Aaron Kelly will go. I like Siobhan Magnus but am not sure how America will respond to her now that there are only 12 people left.

So, those of you who are 12-18 years old with nothing better to do than drool over the young boys and girls who are gracing the idol stage, AND who think texting 90 words per minute is a required life skill, WATCH OUT. Look where all of this got you last year. Let's review shall we? Kris Allen voted as American Idol over Adam Lambert. Hmmmmm. Wonder whose album sales are doing better? Whose album are MOST people interested in? AND who is getting more press? Why don't you think about that instead of who you think "looks" better on camera? Texting is a privilage not a right people. Use it wisely.

March 9, 2010

Update from the sick bay

I know you will all enjoy these as much as I did:

Friday: Got a call from Lil C Friday night wanting to know if he could be un-grounded for the weekend. I asked him why he was calling me about this, did he talk to his father? His father TOLD him to call me. I told Lil C that "No, I don't think you should be ungrounded and NO I don't think you should be rewarded for bad behavior." Well that went nowhere. Saturday he was un-grounded at HEE HAW's house, had a friend over to spend the night and I am sure got full use of all electronics, minus the phone which was still at my house.

Saturday: After having a few drinks with the girls on Friday night, because I WAS feeling better, woke up on Saturday feeling like I had been drug through the mud again. It was a beautiful day outside and all I wanted to do was sleep the entire day! Doodle had a double header basketball game. They did not win, but she got a basket or two and kept playing even after another girl punched her in the arm. Needless to say I was not happy about it. Also got cornered at the game by HEE HAW spouting more loveliness out of his mouth........ this time I chose not to let it affect me. He is the one who will come out looking like an idiot and there is nothing I can do, or will do, to stop that.

CHB, her hubby and I were all kid free for the night so we went to dinner. CHB and I were both sick so after dinner we came back and watched "Everybody's Fine" with Robert DeNiro and Drew Barrymore. I liked it, cute and comical although at times a little slow moving. Definately a "lazy Sunday" type of movie.

Sunday: CHB and I packed in and packed out cookies in between trying to vegetate on the couch for 90% of the day.

Monday: Back at work. Not feeling any better and the boss sent me home. Stood for 2 hours outside the grocery store with Doodle to sell more cookies. This is the LAST week. I think I get sick this time every year, or at least it feels like that.

Tuesday: Lil C recevied a call from his father this morning and I answered the phone. He is still grounded at my house from his phone. HEE HAW was questioning why Lil C was still not allowed use of his phone. Huh, I don't know. Could be the POLICE called me about OUR son!

As a friend of mine recently said on her Facebook page: "The train is leaving Fluville and heading towards Recovery City". Well, I would like to book my seat on the Express Train out of here but alas, Fluville and I are becoming life long friends. Fluville seems to have booked an extended stay in my body and likes it so much, isn't planning on leaving anytime soon.

March 5, 2010

You are now entering the Twilight Zone

Seriously. If you read the last post, take that and multiply it by 10 and that has been my week.

Rewind to Saturday night, and the phone call from HEE HAW, this is what started 5 days in a row of crap. I was accused of checking in to his "business" and having other people checking on him for me as well. Dude, when are you going to get it through your thick head that what you do is of no concern to me unless it affects the kids?????

Monday: Started to feel sick, worked all day, drove like a crazy person to get to my CPR class on time only to have it be cancelled and NOBODY told me. Jeez!

Tuesday: Worked 1/2 day and went home sick. Got another call from HEE HAW asking if I could, when I dropped the kids off that night, make sure that Lil C had his phone, computer and DS. I said a HELL TO THE NO! He is grounded! Does a call from the police not warrant being grounded???? HEE HAW says, and I quote, "Well you and Lil C butt heads all the time and he is always grounded at your house". Excuse me? Where is this coming from? "Well, I want Lil C to bring his computer because he said you always type to hard on it and, one time CHB used Lil C's computer and got the keyboard sticky." Are you fricking kidding me? The he continues on with "This is MY weekend with the kids and I want to be able to at least have ONE fun day with them." W.O.W. I could have sworn that getting caught by the police was enough of a wrong doing to be grounded at least a week or two. Maybe I am not quite up on the parenting as he?

Wednesday: Home sick, miserable, slept off and on all day.

Thursday: Home sick again, slept in until 11:48am. Felt much better after that. UNTIL, you guessed it. Once again HEE HAW managed to fuck it up. Here is the back story: Lil C has to turn in a form to the school today deciding what "career path" he would like to take for his education in our local high school system. Whe we first heard about the choices Lil C decided he wanted to go to school of Entrepenuer. After receiving the detailed informational packet that was sent home with all the students, Lil C decided to go with the broadest form of education called Pathways. (Now back to Thursday) When HEE HAW came to pick up Doodle's Girl Scout vest for her cookie site sale that night, he got upset because I had filled out the form according to what Lil C told me. Then for the next hour HEE HAW proceeded to to harass me via text messages, while at the cookie site sale with Doodle, all about how I was manipulating the situation. I offered to sit down with HEE HAW and Lil C to discuss the school options after they got back from the cookie site sale but no dice.
Needless to say I am frustrated, but thanks to the help of CHB I managed to stay calm throughout this lovely exchange of words last night.

Friday: I came to a huge realization this morning. (I am feeling much better and am back to work.) I can now recognize the pattern of our marriage. HEE HAW is so selfish and self centered that any problems we had were always my fault. Now that we are almost divorced, the same rings true. And guess what? I bet I will be his excuse for when anything goes wrong in his life. Ya know why? He must not own a mirror that reflects his true self. Otherwise he may be forced to admit that he needs to shoulder some blame as well. Food for thought? No, he doesn't like the way HONESTY tastes.

March 1, 2010

I'm sorry, you are who again?

Weekend was full of girl scout site sales: Doodle had me all over town to stand outside different stores to sell cookies. Man I hate cookie season.......... 2 more weeks. Then I am going to need a vacation!!!!

Yesterday, on my way back from a site sale I got a call from a restricted number. I saw it was restricted so I did not answer. When it called right back I took a chance and answered the phone:


"Yes, is this (me)?"

"Yes it is?"

"This is Officer (xyz) from the Mtown police. We have your son with us here."

"Oh. my god. What happened?"

"Well, he was pretending to throw rocks at cars on 100th street and one of the cars fishtailed and almost caused a 3 car pile up."

"Is everyone ok?"

"Yes ma'am. We are holding your son here at the scene and we need you to come and pick him up. He is not in any legal trouble."

"I will be there in less than 10 minutes."

As I speed down the road, praying that any other office in Mtown does not pull me over, I am seething. I pull to a screeching halt outside the fire station, right next to where the "crime" was committed and hop out of the car.

"Lil C, do you know what would have happened if those cars would have gotten in to an accident? Your dad and I would be liable for the damages since you are a minor! What were you thinking? Get your ASS in the car now!" (The last part came out like a female lion) I then turn to the officers to make sure there is nothing else that needs to be done. They looked back at Lil C with a sympathetic glance, wondering how this much volume could come out of all 5 feet of me.

Lil C was hyperventilating in the car because he was scared first that he would get arrested, second that I would kill him. Literally.

I don't know what happened to my sweet boy, but I may be willing to trade him in for a younger one that doesnt talk yet. The kid is so lucky to be alive, and luckier still that he went home with me last night, and not HEE HAW.

He is grounded for the rest of his natural born life, I have taken away his phone, d.s., computer and tv. AND all trust is gone. Who knows if he will EVER earn it back.