March 31, 2011

Fill 'er Up

All the way to the top, don't be skimpy k?

Over the last two years, I have become more of a wine drinker. I used to be a Vodka gal, and I would have a glass of white wine once in a while. And I'm not talking in a refined restaurant with a well cooked meal. I'm talking red-neck, backwoods, hick town, white trashin it up: box Chardonnay over ice, in a tumbler no less. I'm bringing classy back. Ahem.

Since most of the hood is also in to drinking wine, I thought it was definitely time to broaden my horizons. I have tried red wine, white wine, desert wines and homemade wines.

Here is what I have come to realize: I DO NOT like white wine. Every once in a while it's ok, but for the most part, I want the red.

Now, I like ALL kinds of reds. Merlot, Cabernet, Malbec, Pinot, Shiraz, Sirah. I'm not one of those wine snobs (just a coffee snob) so I don't think it is necessary to spend $100 on a bottle of wine. BUT, I will also say for the most part? You get what you pay for.

Here are some of my new found favorites:

Found this one on accident at the liquor store. I was there to get the Whipped Cream Vodka for ladies night and this was on the clearance rack. Thought I would give it a shot and I love it!


This is one that PB picked out and man is it smooth!

Moxie found this one at our local grocery store and it is quickly becoming a staple! Makes me smile every time I buy it!


This is also one that PB introduced me to. I buy this one more than any other one, even though all the wine's above are my favorites!

I am always looking for new recommendations for a great bottle of wine. So let me know what you like. Is there a certain kind you drink with your favorite meal? Or a bottle you will buy when you know you have company coming over?

Some days I wish I had this glass............. just sayin.

March 30, 2011

PSA for all the Single Ladies.........

This is a Public Service Announcement to all the Single Ladies out there. I am about to give the complete, unabridged version of the story, so if you need to run now, go ahead. You have been warned.

*** I have been given free license, and you know I ran with that, to tell this story ***

If you read yesterday's post, Party Weekend Take 2, you know the night was filled with some interesting activities. Here is the back story. As I have stated, it was Moxie's birthday. All of us girls were to be her wing men for the night. Well, after Saturday, we have been fired!

Remember BAM? Hard to forget right? Ahem. Here is what you didn't hear. When CHB found BAM, he was sitting at a table with two other girls. CHB tells me to go over, once he is alone, and ask him his situation, and find out if he would be interested in meeting our gal Moxie. So of course I march over there and ask him just that!

BAM says he is there with a friend and would love to meet Moxie. I haul her over, introductions are made. The rest of the night, because of Unknown Name, BAM stays away from our table. On Sunday, BAM and Moxie begin talking back and forth via text and phone calls. Doing the whole, who are you, what are you about thing.

They agree to meet Wednesday for lunch. The conversations continue back and forth, and finally on Tuesday, Moxie asks BAM about the women he was there with. (One of the ladies he was with was the hissy fit lady!) In the interest of complete honesty and full disclosure, he very calmly states that one of the women is his wife, and the other two are his girlfriends. BAM! POW! KA-CHING! Winner winner chicken dinner! Alert: The crazy has now entered the building.

WTF right? Moxie said there was a moment of silence, and I could imagine hearing crickets chirping, before she says, "you mean friends of you and your wife that happen to be girls"? BAM proudly states, no, my girl friends, as in I sleep with them.

Hold the phone! Is this guy for real? At this point I ask Moxie if she enquired about his views on polygamy, and how his wife could possibly be ok with this. BAM goes on to tell Moxie that he is very interested in her. She is like HELL to the no.

Moxie tells BAM, I don't do drama, I don't do married men and I don't do a booty calls. You fit all 3 of these categories, so no thanks. Wham, BAM, no stank you man! Moxie doesn't want to become one of the harem for this jackass. What night of the week would she get being number 4? Wife would get Monday Wednesday and Friday, girlfriends would rotate the Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday schedule. So would that leave my dear Moxie with Sunday? Does BAM take the sabbath off?

Apparently this guy thinks he can pull this off. With shows like Big Love and TLC's Sister Wives it's definitely more out there than before but seriously? No, No, No. Moxie Tells BAM goodbye. Yo go girl.

Just when you think you have heard it all, wait for it. There is more. However, this has nothing to do with BAM. Thank God. This has to do with Unknown Name, or UN from now on.  

PB and I leave Moxie in the care, custody and control of Miss Thang when we leave on Saturday. Miss Thang, Moxie and UN stay to watch the band's last set, and then head to the main part of the casino. They are sitting at the bar talking, Moxie in the middle flanked by Miss Thang and UN, when somehow, and nobody quite knows how, Miss Thang gets on the subject of sex with UN.

The next thing you know, Miss Thang asks him if he goes downtown. He stares at her blankly so she asks the question again: Do you eat at the Y? Do you like fish tacos? Now, this poor dude is sitting in the middle of the casino, and there are people behind him and to the side of him. (I would be a little embarrassed myself LOL) UN very calmly and straight faced looks at Miss Thang and says no.

Now as I was not there, I can only tell you what I think happened. Miss Thang's head damn near did an exorcist like twist around before she launched in to a diatribe to UN about the benefits of eating downtown. UN very seriously asks her if women like that. She's like; do women like chunky chocolate cookies? Do women like chocolate? HELL yeah! Then she asks him if he likes bj's and of course he says yes. Miss Thang is all like, well you need to reciprocate cause it's not all about you. Why shoudl us women do what you yourself are not willing to do?

At this point dear Moxie is horrified, on a couple of levels! One, there are people milling about listening to Miss Thang go off, and two; are there really guys out there who DON'T please their women this way?

Now, before you go all postal on us single ladies, let me say this. Do I, or Moxie, or Miss Thang think that this one act is a necessity of the every day variety? No. HOWEVER, sex is an important part of any committed relationship, and it is just as important to be compatible personality wise as it is to be sexually satisfied with your partner. Therefore, if us ladies are willing to do it, so should you men. Ahem. Moving on.

As the night comes to an end, UN leaves, Miss Thang and Moxie head back to Moxie's pad. Monday? Guess who shows up at Moxie's work bearing gifts? UN!!! And what has he brought???? Chunky chocolate cookies and a box of chocolates!! I shit you not! Guess he was paying attention to some of the conversation huh????

So, let this be a warning to you! Not only can you NOT let CHB, Snookie or I be your wing men? If you meet a man named BAM run the other direction. Otherwise you may find yourself as girlfriend/wife/lover number 4!

I wish I could say that there was some embellishments of the truth made here, but alas I can not. You couldn't make this up if you tried. In fact, I am thinking about writing a book about all the "fun" Moxie and I have had on our path as single women trying to find a decent guy out there. Her more so than me. Seriously.

March 29, 2011

Part weekend.......... take 2

After Friday nights events, I was a little tired to say the least, but I hauled my hung over ass to Zumba Saturday morning just the same. I sweat out all my wine from the night before, or so I like to tell myself.

After Zumba, I rushed home to shower and change and head to Red Robin for lunch with some girlfriends from high school. How easy we all fall back in to sync with each other. Had a great time, and was really nice to see everyone and catch up on the last year!

Headed back home to start "dolling" up for Moxie's birthday party. I had a new dress and some kick ass boots to wear. For those of you who know me, I don't wear dresses very often. I like to be girly, and I have tons of finger bling, chunky bracelets and necklaces, cut headbands and purses, but dresses are not something I wear all the time.

I donned the dress, boots and coordinating jewelry and picked up Moxie. Don't want the birthday girl having to be d.d. for her own party! Sat down with a glass of wine while waiting for PB and his sister (who was coming out with us) to finish getting ready. Picture time commenced, of course.

 PB and I

 Birthday Gurl Moxie Crimefighter! Ahem. Time to go people. We piled in to the truck and headed to the club at the local casino. Which is huge. AND the only place decent within 50 miles to do anything.

We get our table at the Cabaret, sit down and order drinks. The whole clan was there:

Myself and PB
CHB and Bushwacker
Miss Em
PB's sister (who shall be called Snookie) and if you saw her hair that night you would call her that too!
Miss Thang (Moxie's childhood friend)

CHB, Snookie, Miss Thang and I were the wing-men of the night. Time to find something better for Moxie than the bottom of the barrel that has been of late.

The band started up, a R&B band that played everything from 1960 to current; from The Commodore's to Usher. Oncore, check them out. Anyway, the drinks are flowing, the conversation is good and the band is rockin away.

CHB spots a good looking gentleman by the door and says I should go ask him if he is here alone. So, of course I go over. He is flattered, of course, and says he would love to meet the birthday girl. Moxie, meet Bam; Bam, meet Moxie. No joke. This is the dude's actual name. Bam! Ka-pow!

They made small talk for a minute and turns out he was there with a friend but might come over later and say hi. The "friend" he is with is the same "lady" who pitched a 54 year old hissy fit to the ticket gal on the way in because the group next to us had saved an extra bar table next to them. Their friends had just gone out in search of a table and this chic got her panties in a bunch since she didn't have anywhere to set her flat rear, and the ticket gal actually came over and removed the table. Can you believe it? I of course made snarky comments about her all night: she was painted in to her clothes, was like 60 years old and had on way too much make-up. She had definitely been rode hard and put away wet.........

We go sit back down at the table, and the next thing I know, Snookie has drug some  guy over to meet Moxie. This guy is sporting a tangerine colored shirt and a black Fedora. Still not sure what his name is, or how you spell it but he sits down and proceeds to spend the rest of the night at our table.

Miss Em brought a spicy gift for Moxie, which was hysterical! I wish I had a picture of the repulsed look on the faces of PB and Bushwacker. Priceless!

A couple of trips to the dance floor, and a showdown in the bathroom later, we return to our seats to find that Moxie has an extra drink. Apparently Bam sent one over while we were all shaking our groove thing.

As the ladies start to drop like flies, first CHB and then Miss Em, Snookie disappears in to the casino to meet a friend, PB, Miss Thang, Unknown Name guy and I are left at the table. 5 Lemon Drops in to the night,and some groove shakin, my feet are killing me, so PB and I leave Moxie with Miss Thang and Unknown Name guy.

Miss Thang, and I only know this second hand, gives Unknown Name the 3rd degree of questioning after we left. What he does, how he treats women, and a whole bunch of other stuff that would make your mom blush! She of course only wants the best for Moxie, as we all do! The funny thing is, Miss Thang is maybe an inch or two taller than myself, so we are talking 5 foot 2 and full of attitude! (This is why I like her so much!) Miss Thang and Moxie close down the joint, head home to bed and call me in the morning.

I also love to people watch at the club. You see some of the most interesting outfits, watch some of the best men/women jealousy play out, and in general make snotty comments about other women or terrible looking dudes who come and ask you to dance.
What does all of this equal? A great night out on the town with the ladies, some great stories, and 2 new people for Moxie to get to know. Can we party it up or what????

March 28, 2011

Party weekend......... take 1

I need a weekend FROM the weekend! I have not partied this much in a weekend in several years and I am feeling tired today...........

Had a celebration for PB's birthday. House full of friends, family and kids; good food; good wine; great company! PB had marinated steaks and chicken the night before, I made some dips and chocolate brownies with caramel, Mr. B brought this YUMMY rice and Mrs. B made her specialty: salad. I know that sounds weird but I swear nobody makes a salad like she does!

I also made carrot cake. Thursday night. Uhhmmm, gross. I have never been a fan but when I asked PB what he wanted for his birthday cake that was the answer. Where do I go for the best recipe? The Internet of course! My work computer and I have a great relationship, and after an hour or so of researching, I came across the recipe that met my specifications. And I had a few.

The cake needed to be moist. Who likes a dry cake? It also needed to have no raisins, coconut, pineapple or nuts in it. You would not believe some of the recipes I saw! I swear some people put everything but the kitchen sink in their carrot cake, maybe in an attempt to disguise the horrid flavor?

I gather up all my ingredients, and call Moxie. I need someone who likes carrot cake to try the batter. Why bother baking it if the batter is nasty? After a hesitant bite, I'm kinda a mess in the kitchen, she approves it for baking. 38 minutes later I pull out the two pans and let them cool. I make the cream cheese frosting from scratch, spread out nicely over the top of the cake and cover. Do you think I remembered to take a picture of it? Hell no........

Party day Friday rolls around and after getting off work, running to three different grocery stores, I am finally at the house. We get started on cooking the steak and chicken (no food pictures this time either, yeah I know I am lame) and then it was time for presents!!!

Now, I have had PB's present for over a month. It has squirreled away in the closet (translation: sitting in a plastic bag on my kitchen table) cause I'm that good!

A couple of months ago, PB and I were at Fred Meyers looking at some baking pans when we passed the aprons. He was lamenting about them never having masculine aprons that weren't cliche: go ahead and Google it. There are some funny ones out there! However, PB was looking for something stylish and functional that is "family" appropriate.

So, I called my friend Miss Em, who is our resident seamstress and asked for her help. If I could get the fabric picked out, would she be willing to make him an apron? Oh course she said! So I got to work. Picking out the fabric was harder than I thought. I spent a good hour at the fabric store wandering the aisles in complete overload. Before my eyes permanently glossed over I found something I loved, hightailed over to the counter to have it cut and actually breathed a sigh of relief once I was out of the store. I don't have the patience for this kind of thing, can you tell???

I dropped the pattern and fabric off to Miss Em and a week later I brought the apron home. I absolutely loved it! So when it came time to wrap it, I filled the pockets with gadgets and spices and presented it to PB.

 Open it, open it, open it. What is it? What is it? What is it?

MMmm spices......

 Cool new spatula!

I think the apron looks great on him and it's the perfect size! Man I am good!

There were plenty of other gifts there but THESE were his other favorite!

March 24, 2011

This post brought to you by the letters M, B and the numbers 7 and 19.

M is for March. Yep. Several things are great about this month: the arrival of Spring, the ending of Girl Scout cookie season (Hallelujah!) and the anticipation of Spring Break.

B is for ..............birthday. March is BIRTHDAY month in Banjo's world. Here is how the list rolls:


In the space of 19 days, there are, count them, 7 birthdays from V.I.P. in my world.

What does that mean??? Party, party, party! Sounds rough right? Nah. It's good times. Celebrating with the pee-oooohp-les I love.

As the parties commence I will share the festivities with you. There are so many happening this weekend, I am not sure how I will find the time to sleep, let alone purchase the gear that Doodle needs for snow-shoeing in the Olympics next weekend, bathe or grocery shop. So if you see me this weekend and I'm looking a little haggard, keep it to yourself ok?

March 23, 2011

Jet City Roller Girls

Saturday I went to my first ever Roller Derby. I was super excited to go, and there was a battle happening not too far from my house.  

PB, myself, Moxie, CHB and Bushwacker all met up there. We were newbies to the Jet City Roller Girls.

The first thing I notice upon arrival are the bright outfits. And the tights/socks/bloomers of every color. These girls are really adding some flair to their outfits......

I caught a glimpse of this guy as I was checking in at will call. I caught up with him later to ask if that was drawn on or tattoo-ed on. His girlfriend had fun "coloring" him for the event. He seemed to be enjoying himself!

I neeeeed these socks! I could not catch up with the owner before they left the building. If you know where I can find them, let me know k?

It was a whole different kind of crown there. Everyone from babies all the way to grandparents were in attendance. From the way out there to the straight laced were there to cheer these teams on. I still don't have the whole scoring system down, well I don't actually have ANY of it down, but I had a great time watching.

You gotta love a coach who goes all out for his team, and bares his pasty white legs...... Awesome!

There was funky hair, outlandish socks, bright colors and plenty of enthusiasm to go around. I will definitely take Doodle and Lil C to one of these events. I think they would get a kick out of it!

March 22, 2011

Mike Huckabee is an I-Deee-Otttt

MmmHmm and you can tell him I said so. I have got my thong in a bunch, and even though it is already planted between my sweet and ample cheeks, I am feeling the same discomfort as if it was period time and I was wearing my granny panties.

In less than 24 hours, I have seen two things that made my blood boil. Here we go:

Example 1:
A "friend" on Facebook, a fellow Girl Scout leader posted a link to a blog post about the role of wife and mother:

I heard a great sermon this week about “Christian feminism”, and the pastor said, with no apologies, that we have embraced feminist thinking to the point that we don’t even recognize it as feminism anymore. My favorite point he made was this:

“If you choose marriage, you choose a full-time job, ordained by God as part of His created design. I don’t know why that job is looked down upon; if you don’t want it, don’t get married.”

Of course, I would never advocate “not getting married” in order to pursue a career. But his point is valid…we treat the occupation of marriage and motherhood as if it is some fringe activity, or a hobby, able to be properly executed with our left-over time. NOT SO!

And our feminist thinking within the church kicks against that notion. We will not be told that “our place is in the home”…we want to be homemakers only if we choose to be homemakers. But let’s think about it for a second…

If I get a job as a lifeguard at the public pool, I am expected to be there, every minute, in order to fulfill all my duties properly. Now if I decide that I don’t like sitting out in the hot sun for hours on end, I could choose to get down from my chair; I could choose to find another job, and I could choose to just pop in the pool arena every now and then to make sure things were going OK. I could even hire someone else to do my lifeguard job, while I go do something else; but if I am the lifeguard, I am responsible for what happens at that pool, whether I am there or not. I could call myself the lifeguard, but I would be a lousy one.

Because if someone needed me, I wouldn’t be there. If there was dangerous horseplay, I wouldn’t know about it. If someone started to drown, I could not save them. I could not manage my “domain” of the pool unless I was fully there, mind, body and spirit, all the time. My leaving and allowing people to drown would not be because I didn’t care about the people swimming, but because my selfish motives drove me to abdicate my responsibilities.

I can become a wife, and a mother, but if I leave my “station” as manager of the home, I have left my home open to disaster. If my presence is somewhere else most of the time, my attention and affections are most likely there too. The needs of a well-managed home are tremendous…no one can fulfill them adequately if she is away. She can settle, and justify, and compare, and decide that she’s doing OK compared to so-and-so…but that’s not our standard.

Upon reading this, I got very upset. For some very personal reasons. For me, working outside of the home was an absolute necessity when I was married, and holds true today as a single mother. Do I think I was any less of a mother/caregiver/wife/housekeeper/cook/chauffeur and all the other jobs mom's get because I had a job? HELL NO.  Did my house and children's lives absolutely crumble to the ground because I was not there 24/7? NO.

And what really got me? Here was this Facebook "friend" absolutely contradicting herself. She was a Girl Scout leader. A PTA mom. She ran a group for military wives on base. Isn't that in direct conflict with what she just posted?

How can someone who was a successful Girl Scout leader believe whole hearted-ly in this? Isn't GS by definition the foremost example of what women can do? The notion that the "man" runs everything is antiquated and that we as women can do anything we set our minds too???

According to this post, I should be at home, in my pearls and heels, greeting my husband with a high ball glass as he walks in the door. Dinner is on the table and you can faintly hear the "music" of the washing machine in the background........ Uh no thanks. This makes it seem like because you got married, and are now a wife and mother, there is nothing else in this world you should be doing then following your children around 24 hours a day. You most certainly should NEVER have any outside interests/hobbies/activities for fear that your children are going to be lacking in some aspect. God forbid you are not there to wipe their asses at every turn.

You know these mom's. 90 some percent of them that I have met want nothing more than a break for an hour, a night, OMG a whole day even. Should they feel bad for that? For turning their "post" over to someone else? Whatever........

We are all entitled to our beliefs, and can post whatever we want on Facebook. I was just dumbfounded by this from someone who I thought was on the same playing field as I. Why does this upset me so? I felt attacked, even thought it wasn't personally directed at me.

After some back and forth on the subject, this "friend" brought up that for her it was a way to examine her life and what her goals and struggles were. AND, that even though she and I don't agree on the subject, it certainly got us talking about it no? Touche.

Example 2:

Natalie Portman, newly crowned Best Actress Academy Award winner, has found herself at the center of two hot debates this week. As a face of Dior, when the charges and video of head designer John Galliano’s anti-Semitic spill came to light, Portman assisted him to the door by declaring she was “shocked and disgusted” at his remarks as “an individual who is proud to be Jewish.”

She’s kept silent over family values GOP presidential wannabee Mike Huckabee’s remarks about single motherhood. We cede the floor to Huckabee, who spoke to radio host Michael Medved:

"One of the things that’s troubling is that people see a Natalie Portman or some other Hollywood starlet who boasts of, ‘Hey look, you know, we’re having children, we’re not married, but we’re having these children, and they’re doing just fine. But there aren’t really a lot of single moms out there who are making millions of dollars every year for being in a movie. And I think it gives a distorted image that yes, not everybody hires nannies, and caretakers and nurses. Most single moms are very poor, uneducated, can’t get a job and if it weren’t for government assistance, their kids would be starving to death and never have health care. And that’s the story that we’re not seeing, and it’s unfortunate that we glorify and glamorize the idea of out of children wedlock.”

Are you kidding me? Wow. If that doesn't make every single mom out there extremely pissed off I don't know what should. On public assistance or not is NOT the issue here. Mike Huckabee obviously has a poor opinion of mom's who, for whatever reason, have to go it alone.

Are there ladies out there taking advantage of the system? Sure. Is that true for everyone? HELL NO. Do I like being labeled as un-educated because I'm a single mom? NO. I make peanuts, gets next to nothing in child support and could qualify for food stamps, or some kind of public assistance. I don't take it. You know what I do? I go without things in order to make sure I can pay all my bills.

I gave up cable for 8 months. I don't go out to eat very often. I don't buy new clothes, get my nails done or drive a fancy car. Why? Cause I can't friggin afford it. But is that due to laziness or lack of education? NO. I work my butt off with a 40 hour a week job. I even took a temporary second job last year to make some extra money.

When I get my tax return each year, I pay as many bills forward as I possibly can. That makes it easier for me later down the line. Now, I have gotten off topic here......... a sure sign that I am highly agitated ONCE AGAIN.
Well, Mike Huckabee. You can take your narrow minded, pampered ass, right wing attitude and shove it where the sun don't shine. Because unless YOU ARE a single mom, you can have an opinion, but you may not attack us all as a whole and lump EVERY single one of us in to the same category. So stick that in your pipe and smoke it. Mmm k?

March 17, 2011

Want some cheese with your wine?

Yeah, as a matter of fact I do. I would like the whole bottle, minus the cheese. Confused? Let me back up a minute so you can catch up.......

Last summer, the Exploder had some issues. Surprised right? Not.

Anyway, thanks to a generous donation from Grandma P, I was able to get the car back up and running in just a few days. Want the whole story? Click here.

Sooooooo, Tuesday, around dinner time, the Exploder, so lovingly named by Jess-eee-ka as FEFE, started to make the SAME noises again. Only this time? You guessed it. It didn't go away.

This is not MY Exploder, but it's what mine looks like.
Yesterday it was so bad the entire car was shuddering as I drove it. Not to mention the loud metal clanking that you could hear a couple blocks away.

I took it to the same repair shop as I did last summer. They took it for a stroll, heard the noise, and made the assessment. (Personal victory #1: they actually heard the damn noise this time AND I told them exactly where it was coming from! Not bad for a city girl.......)

The boys at the shop tell me it is either the drive shaft or the transfer case. Both of these things are Greek to me. This particular shop doesn't do that kind of work, so they referred me to a shop down the road. Of course by now it's 5 pm and all these guys are headed home. Yay. At least I was able to make an appointment for the following day.

I limped the car another 2 miles down the road home, thank goodness my work is so close to my house! Bonus of the night? Got to drive PB's huge, ginormous, massive truck to the grocery store. I swear, like 5 guys did double takes to see all 5 foot of me driving this mammoth thing....... it was awesome!

That's his truck in the background........ I am barely as tall as the side mirrors. Just sayin.

Today I got the car to work and then back to the shop at lunch time. They could hear me coming 3 blocks away. Not kidding. The shop owner was surprised nothing fell off the car it was so dang loud.

They took it a couple of blocks, then got it up on the rack, and in less than 10 minutes they have the solution to the noisy problem. It's the drive shaft. Good news? After labor and parts, it will cost 1/2 of what the transfer case would have cost me.

I was seriously polishing my halo in the lobby of the repair shop, nervously biting my nails to make sure that I was gonna have enough money to fix my FEFE. And, the results.......... I have just enough! Thanks Goodness!!!! I guess I was just good enough to earn this "reward" from the car fairies......

So, FEFE is in the shop until tomorrow. I feel so naked without my car. They asked me before they took my keys if I needed anything else. I took a minute to mentally review what was in the car....... no, I'm good. Uh-huh. Until I got back to the office and realized my cell phone charger was on the front seat of the car.

Fingers crossed everything goes well and FEFE and I reunited tomorrow no worse for the wear. Now, how about that bottle of wine? Tonight, as soon as I get home. Oh yeah, Happy St. Patrick's day folks! Now if only the "green" fairy had visited me in the night. Then I would be flush with the big bucks to pay for my car!

March 15, 2011

The teenage boy strikes again

Oi. the joys of being the mother of a teenage boy. Who is 14, going on 40. Yay........

Lil C has been struggling at school. Not in all subjects, and not all the time. The trouble? He is notorious for not turning in assignments, and? He is a terrible test taker. He bombs just about every one. How does he do this? I don't know. But, I am the same way.

I psyche myself out before any major test. Throughout high school, and all the schooling and testing I had to do for my job. I would literally be sick to my stomach. Ucky tummy feelings, shakes, sweating and unable to keep food down until the test was over.

Lil C gets so down on himself every time he does poorly on a test. Now, there have been times since the beginning of the school year where he has not studied enough. Or didn't know exactly what to study. That usually comes from lack of paying attention in class. Yeah, I have a son who is the chatty kathy in class. Great. He gets that from me.

Lil C and HeeHaw have been in a constant headlock since the start of the '10-'11 school year about this. Lil C has had many a privilege taken away at Henry the 8th's house. TV, phone, Internet, hanging out with friends, additional chores.........

While I appreciate that the boy child needs some structure and/or discipline in the school area, I wonder if there is something else I can be doing to help him with his schooling. So, this week my goal is to see what tutoring is offered through the school, possible in the form of a class mate. I am pretty sure Lil C is gonna rebel against this but what can I say? I am his mommy dearest, and I only want what's best for him.

The reason I even bring any of this up? HeeHaw took away his phone not too long ago for poor grades. Lil C was able to earn back an old style flip phone, like WAY OLD SCHOOL. He hates it. It was especially terrible for him since he was used to having smart phones, like a Blackberry, or the Droid. HeeHaw covers Lil C on his cell phone plan, and I cover Doodle. After the last mishap with the Droid, HeeHaw didn't want to spend a whole bunch of money on a nice phone.

Now, I gave each of the kids some spending money from my tax return. Lil C chose to spend his on a phone. He chose the one he wanted, called me over to the computer and asked me to enter in my credit card number. I put in all my information. The website accepted my order and 5 days later, the boy child had a phone in his possession. Not activated, just ready to go when the time was right.

Lil C was told by HeeHaw that his grades would need to come up before he could activate it. Well, guess what? I called my cell provider yesterday to find out why my bill was so high, and:

Wait for it. It's worth it. You know it will be.

The boy child activated a 2 year contract when he purchased this phone! OMG I thought I was going to have a heart attack when I heard that. And it gets better. Not only did he start a contract with my phone carrier, his plan was ridiculously expensive: $59 a month, plus the data package at $29.99 a month, $3 a month in roadside service and $20 a month for Rhapsody. I swear, had you taken my blood pressure at that moment it would have been off the charts! as if that wasn't enough, we were past the 10 day free look. So, I am now the proud owner of this phone, under a NEW number, and I now have Lil C on my cell plan. Awesome.

I was able to, after 30 more minutes on the phone, reduce his plan, get it linked in to mine correctly, and eradicate all those charges. The only silver lining to this whole situation.

When I told Boy Wonder about what had happened, he did feel bad. I told him we were BOTH responsible for this happening. I needed to have reviewed the info better online, and so did he. When I got home from work we finished activating the phone and then had to call Henry the 8th to explain what happened.

The side benefit to all this? Lil C gets a new phone, which HeeHaw would never have paid for. I get to be the hero for ONCE with my boy. It's nice. Until I get the bill. Then I am sure I won't feel so nice/warm/fuzzy about it.

Are you there vodka? It's me, Chelsea

OMG where have I been? Oh, I don't know. Let's see. Cookie season was in full swing, weather here was in a major mood swing (snow, rain, howling winds, rainbows and sunshine), basketball and Girl Scouts. Yep.

Update on a few past things:

I am still working out the intricacies of my new camera lens. Having a little bit of buyers remorse since I did not purchase the lens with IS or image stabilization. Was supposed to go to a class last night to learn how to use my camera and lenses and settings and felt like crap so bagged it and went home after work instead. $40 down the tube. Oh well.

PB's friend still has not been by to look at my hard drive. I was going to take it to the Geek Squad, but PB suggested his friend look at it first. Fingers crossed. WAY too many pictures stored on there and will be seriously heartbroken if it can not be pulled off and put on another hard drive.

Cookie season 2011 is FINALLY over and not a moment too soon. CHB does 90% of the work for our troop, which I appreciate! This year we took on the task of helping a new, younger troop of girls. Never again. That is a lot of work and I didn't even do most of it. CHB did. I am just glad it is over. Done. Finite. Didn't help that out of three weekends in which Doodle had to sell cookies outside of different stores and locations, HeeHaw did not even take ONE SINGLE SITE. So, Doodle and I jam packed as much as we could in to 8 days. Nice. Henry the 8th has NEVER supported Girl Scouts and never will.  He still sees this organization as a feminist cult. No joke. Oi.

Basketball season is finally over. We did manage to win one game. Yep, one game. All that matters to me is that Doodle has a good time and enjoys playing with the other girls. So win or loose, I am there to support her.

New stuff???

I have to say I am extremely disappointed in Our Bachelor Brad. I think his choice stinks. I think that since his family so heavily endorsed Emily he felt he should go with her. Now, I am not Brad, nor do I pretend to know what is going on inside his head, but I am surprised by his choice still. Unless this was due to clever editing from ABC I really thought he was going to end up with Chantal.

At the season wrap up, After the Final Rose show, it did not even look like Brad and Emily were "together" on a lot of things. Maybe that's just me, and maybe I'm just being bitchy. Who knows. All I can say is that I think he made the wrong choice and that he may regret it. Just sayin.

I got a new book from the library:

Can't WAIT to read it! Anybody else out there read this one yet? I also put this one on hold since it was checked out:

Looking forward to a good read!

March 8, 2011

The Bachelor, Women Tell All

Let me start by saying that I have never been in to any of the Bachelor/Bachelorette shows. At. All.

Funny how things change........

PB loves to watch it. Weird right? Anyway, as this season came upon us, I got sucked in to the D.R.A.M.A. that this show is ALL about.

Not having watched the last go round, I knew nothing of our returning Bachelor, Brad. So I had to play a little bit of catch-up so I was up to speed with every other viewer. Internet, here I come!

As the show has progressed, I found myself engrossed in who Brad would pick to go on dates with, the idiotic things these women would say, and the overall cheesy-ness of the show.

That being said, I still planted my arse in front of the tv EVERY Monday night to catch the action!

Last night, the Women Tell All show was on. The "reunion" show, now that all these ladies have been sent home, kleenex in hand.

I have to say this. I LOVED the absolute bitchiness of it all! I sat there, eyeballs glued to the screen, laughing my butt off! When I wasn't dealing with a puker (Doodle has some kind of virus) or the laundry/dishes/dinner clean up.

I enjoyed listening to the women talk about how they felt now, a couple months after taping. Watching themselves back on tv. Some of them were remorseful, others un-apologetic for the way they are.

I can NOT wait to see who our Bachelor Brad picks next week. I'm seriously on pins and needles. My hope is Chantel O.

Who are you rooting for?

March 2, 2011

Did I read that correctly?

I got an email from HeeHaw last night. He and his bride to be have set the date for the wedding. Yay.

Here is what really got me.

He needs some information from me, because he needs to get one of these:

My assumption is that he needs one in time for his honeymoon, that is gonna happen in about 8 weeks.

So, he asks me for my place of birth.

Now, the first thing I ask him is why he needs his EX-WIFE'S last name, date of birth and place of birth when we are DIVORCED.

The very next question that comes to mind is this: Is he planning on taking the children somewhere without my permission?

I go ahead and ask these. Who cares? By this time I was already 2 glasses of wine in. Liquid courage to the rescue!

HeeHaw responds that, and I quote, "I'm not doing anything fishy" and "we may disagree on a lot of things, but I hope you would know that I would do anything like that with the kids without talking to you first"

Yeah. Ok. Cause we can trust each other so much now that we are divorced. Right.

So I did some research today. AND it so happens, My boss had a passport brochure with her because she needs to renew hers. Guess what question is on there?

Yep. Name of current spouse or most recent spouse, date of birth, place of birth, date married and date widowed or divorced. Weird. Just weird.

Here is what baffles me.

I could see if a WOMAN needed to fill out a section that may pertain to this for the express reason that her name changed. Well, usually.

But why a man needs to? I have no idea. Another great government idea that totally makes me nuts.

Anyway, here was the biggest kicker of them all. AND it didn't even hit me until today.

Henry VIII doesn't even know the city I was born in.

The man I called my HUSBAND for 13 fucking years doesn't even know this one small piece of info about me.

The person I had children with, the man I made a home with, the other half of my relationship for over a decade. Am I being punked?

I was shocked when that little nugget tickled my brain.

My marriage was a lot of things, and perfect certainly wasn't at the top of the list. But, I really thought JAMF would have known this piece of info.

I feel like I wasted 13 years. Did he ever really know who I was or what I was about?

Can I say, it's obvious the relationship was doomed from the beginning and that I am better off today. But I was truly rocked to the core of my black Mary Jane's when this hit me. Just sayin.

March 1, 2011

Cookies, Cookies, Cookies

I LOVE this movie. I really struggle every year with the WHOLE cookie process. Thank goodness CHB is our troop cookie mom, because I think I might actually die if I had to do it myself.

At the end of our "girl scout" year, in June, I had all the girls over from my troop. We ate junk food, we watched this movie, camped on the living room floor and had a great time.

I reminded the girls that while I may be a pain sometimes, even I am not as bad as Velda on her best day!

I secretly want to be Phyllis Neffler. Look at how she takes the uniform and makes it fabulous! She is not afraid to shake things up, and that my friends, is how I work. My best ideas come when I am fired up about something!

And I L-O-V-E Velda. She makes me smile.

Enjoy the link.