April 18, 2013

Dream a little dream of me......

                                                                             *source*

Ever since I moved in to my new place, I have had the strangest dreams.

I usually remember about one dream a month. They are usually silly, or weird, but these dreams lately? They take the cake.

2 weeks ago, I woke up from a dead sleep and bolted out of bed. I was sweating and out of breath. My heart was pounding very hard. Even though I KNEW it was a dream, I ran to the window to check to make sure nobody was out there. I was CERTAIN I was being stalked.
 
It all happened in the house I grew up in. And I was back in high school. With braces. Awesome.
 
I was walking home after school, and it was dark. My mom was not home from work yet. I went in to the bathroom, getting ready for the shower when I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand up. And then the phone rings.... and nobody is on the line.
 
I peek outside and to my absolute horror, there is someone staring back at me. And I can't scream. And then I woke up.
 
After having checked all the doors, windows and that everything was "right" within my house, I fell back asleep. And fell straight back in to the dream. This time, as I look out from the upstairs window, I can see my stalker staring back at me from the driveway. I go to grab the phone, to call the police, but by the time I grab it, he is rushing the front door.
 
And then I woke up again. Ugh. Took awhile to go back to sleep after that.
 
2 nights ago, totally different kind of dream, but strange none the less.
 
I was driving my P.O.S. to a repair shop in Seattle. The mechanic was supposed to be a "Car Whisperer", so I figured why not?
 
I arrive at the shop, which is hidden like it belongs to the President of the United States of America. My id is requested, I have to answer a series of questions, and then the HUGE metal gates open to let me in. Once the car is parked, I am ushered in to the shop.
 
I have to take my shoes off at the door. WTF? As I walk towards the back, where I hear noise coming from, I look up to see two men talking. One is the "Car Whisperer", CW for short, who looks like a cross between Dale Chihuly and Paul Sr from OCC.
 
The other guy? Is none other than Chris Daughtry. Front man for Daughtry. Oh mama. I have loved him since the moment I saw him audition for American Idol all those years ago. I literally swiped the back of my hand across my mouth before we were introduced.
 
 
CW takes my car keys and disappears.
 
Chris and I get to talking, and its just bizarre. We talk about the meaning of life, our most secret fears and desires, what our life goals are, our families, EVERYTHING! We offered each other advice, support, or just listened to each other. We spent the entire day in the shop, never moving from our chairs as we talk non stop.
 
It comes time for him to leave, and for us to say our goodbye's. I literally follow him out to watch him drive away. I go back and sit down, waiting for CW to finish with my car. The next thing I know, I am being shaken and told to "Wake Up!".
 
What just happened? CW proceeds to tell me that as soon as I came in with my car, I sat down and FELL ASLEEP! I tell CW all about my meaningful conversation with Chris Daughtry. He looks at me like I'm nuts......... and tells me I was the ONLY one in the shop today besides himself.
 
Great. Just great. I dreamed up the whole DAMN thing. Shit! As I start to bury my face in my hands, and wonder how far crazy I've gone, I woke up. TOTALLY disappointed.
 
I have tried to figure out what the heck I am eating or drinking that is causing these weird dreams to take place. So far, there was nothing similar on any of the nights that I had those dreams. Anyone care to explain to me what the HELL these dreams are supposed to mean?

April 12, 2013

Go ahead, ask your mom

I am not sure why, but several different friends and I have had this discussion a lot lately.
 
What do I most want my kids to remember about their childhood? About me?
 
As a teenager, I knew everything. Duh. Ask my mom. She will GLADLY tell you how "enlightened" I was as a young adult.
 
Of course, my mom knew absolutely NOTHING about being a kid. She was too old to get what was happening in my life and there was NO WAY she could relate.
 
Boy, was I ever wrong.
 
Now, since I am usually right, (agreed?) this is hard to publicly admit. But, (eyes tightly shut) my momma knew her shit.
 
Only took me becoming a mother myself to admit it.
 
My kiddos are the VERY best thing that happened to my life.
 
Since my divorce, I often wonder about who my kids will seek advice from. Whose shoulder will they cry on? What moments will I miss out on since I don't see them every day? Who will they become more like?
 
BUT, my biggest fear?
 
That they will find fault in me. As their mother.
 
Do I mess up? Do I disappoint them? Do I forgot some things? Yes, yes and HELL YES.
 
EVERY day, I try to do right by them. It's not always easy.
 
I want them to become the people they are meant to be, and for the love of sweet little 6 pound newborn Baby Jesus, let them be more like me than their father.
 
Let them do the fun/silly/crazy/infantile things that we do without fear of what their friends will think.
 
May the carry along some of the traditions we have today with their own children. May they see the value in living in the moment whenever possible. May they take the road less traveled. May they dance in the rain.
 
May they know they are AWESOME just as they are, and not to listen to anyone tell them different. May they always be strong in their convictions, and never let anyone put them down.  
 
May they know that I love them. With every fiber of my being. And that I did the best I knew how. And that I am proud to call them mine.
 
May they know that I will ALWAYS be there for them. That my arms are always open for them to come running in to.
 
May they know that I have their back, that I will fight for them, and that they are always worth my time.
 
I love you Lil C and Doodle.
 
Don't ever forget it.

April 2, 2013

Easter 2013

It really was an off day.
 
For the first time in years, I had nowhere to be. Nothing to cook, bake, prep or bring to a function.
 
CHB and her family usually host a big Easter dinner, with all of her extended family. Not this year. She is in Cali with her hubby and kids. For the past couple of years, if I didn't go to CHB's gathering, I went with PB to his folks house, where all of his family was together for the holiday.
 
Not this year. The chitlins were with HeeHaw this Easter. HH called Saturday to offer me some time with the kids, which I took.
 
The kiddos came to my house for 2 hours right after they got back from church. Since the sun was shining, and it was almost 70 degrees, a rarity for WA on Easter Sunday, we took pictures! Then we had a small lunch, they opened their Easter baskets, and we watched a terrible kids movie.
 
 
This gorgeous tree is outside my front door.......... It causes me great allergy symptoms but is so pretty to look at!
 
Nice, formal shot.
 
 And then what usually happens......

After the kids left, I hunkered down with a bottle of wine, some of my favorite movies, and held up the couch for the rest of the afternoon/evening.
 
Hope you all had a nice Easter.