I am not sure why, but several different friends and I have had this discussion a lot lately.
What do I most want my kids to remember about their childhood? About me?
As a teenager, I knew everything. Duh. Ask my mom. She will GLADLY tell you how "enlightened" I was as a young adult.
Of course, my mom knew absolutely NOTHING about being a kid. She was too old to get what was happening in my life and there was NO WAY she could relate.
Boy, was I ever wrong.
Now, since I am usually right, (agreed?) this is hard to publicly admit. But, (eyes tightly shut) my momma knew her shit.
Only took me becoming a mother myself to admit it.
My kiddos are the VERY best thing that happened to my life.
Since my divorce, I often wonder about who my kids will seek advice from. Whose shoulder will they cry on? What moments will I miss out on since I don't see them every day? Who will they become more like?
BUT, my biggest fear?
That they will find fault in me. As their mother.
Do I mess up? Do I disappoint them? Do I forgot some things? Yes, yes and HELL YES.
EVERY day, I try to do right by them. It's not always easy.
I want them to become the people they are meant to be, and for the love of sweet little 6 pound newborn Baby Jesus, let them be more like me than their father.
Let them do the fun/silly/crazy/infantile things that we do without fear of what their friends will think.
May the carry along some of the traditions we have today with their own children. May they see the value in living in the moment whenever possible. May they take the road less traveled. May they dance in the rain.
May they know they are AWESOME just as they are, and not to listen to anyone tell them different. May they always be strong in their convictions, and never let anyone put them down.
May they know that I love them. With every fiber of my being. And that I did the best I knew how. And that I am proud to call them mine.
May they know that I will ALWAYS be there for them. That my arms are always open for them to come running in to.
May they know that I have their back, that I will fight for them, and that they are always worth my time.
I love you Lil C and Doodle.
Don't ever forget it.