January 31, 2012

Let It Snow.......... or not?

2 weeks ago, our area was blasted with 5 days of snow and ice.
Ugh. That is my car underneath all of that snow........

Well, I had no snow boots, so I rocked my rain boots for a few days. Until, PB came home with these beauties, in my size!  
 So I decided to make the best of the snow, and make snow cones! I sent Doodle outside with a bowl. With instructions as to where to get the snow from, no yellow snow here!
 She filled it up with snow. We got out mugs, flavored syrup and spoons.
 MMMM, Strawberry was the popular choice!
Here is Doodle enjoying hers.
And Lil C enjoying his! They were a hit, and we will make sure to have these every time it snows!

January 30, 2012

The Jackass Strikes Again..... and again......... and again

Shocked aren't you? Although at this rate, why you would be I'm not sure.

A couple of weeks ago, tickets to the Annual Father Daughter Dance went on sale. Doodle decided, under the advisement of her little friend, not to go. Doodle was told her friend wasn't going to the dance, and that HeeHaw, along with Doodle's friend and father would just go do a bowling night instead. Never mind that HeeHaw ignored that this was an ANNUAL tradition for he and Doodle. Never mind that he never bothered to pull Doodle aside and ask her if she really wanted to go, even if her friend didn't go. I knew in my heart of hearts that she wanted go. But, although I was sick to my stomach when I heard this, I knew I had to let her make the decision on her own.

So Friday night, right as I'm getting out of Zumba class, I see there are 4 missed calls from Doodle. I call her back and find out she DOES want to go to the dance, and how should she tell her dad?

I tell her to let HeeHaw know she wants to go, and to go online to get the tickets. She says she wants me to take her dress shopping and get her hair done. I told her I would love to do all of that, but that she needs to tell the jackass that that is what SHE wants. She needed to tell HeeHaw in her own words that she wants her MOTHER to take her, not her stepmother. We hang up and she now has a plan of action. I find it so sad that although Heehaw says he wants to hear what the children have to say and is a caring father, Doodle can’t even tell him that she wants to go to the dance….

The next day, my Doodle stopped by the house to get something (it was her weekend with dad) and she said that they still hadn't gotten the tickets, how she found a dress but HeeHaw wouldn't pay for it. He couldn't afford it. He then proceeds to tell her: "After the cost of the tickets, Doodle's dress, hair and shoes, going out to dinner and how HeeHaw needs a new shirt and tie, that is well over $100, and HeeHaw would rather put that towards her school trip to Washington DC this summer."

Are you freaking kidding me? Your pre-teen daughter is coming to you, asking you to take her, as you have for the last 4 years, and you are telling her that you would rather put that money towards her trip? Having heard this, I send HeeHaw the link to purchase dance tickets, and I tell his Royal Jackass-ness that I will pay for Doodle's dress, hair and accessories if he buys the dance tickets, which only cost $20.

That seems to go over well, and I tell Doodle I will head over to Macy's Sunday morning to try and find the dress she wanted since the dance is now less than a week away. Heehaw didn't want me to take Doodle with me to the store since they were busy ALL of Sunday. (Lettuce Lady was supposed to go to a jewelry party and HeeHaw wanted Doodle to go to, but she didn’t go.)

Since there was no picture of the dress, and nobody put it on hold, I had 3 sales associates helping me try and find it. We finally did, but it's the wrong size, and that was the only one left. Frustrated, I call Doodle and let her know. I tell her we will go shopping once she comes back from the sperm donors house on Wednesday NIGHT, less than 3 full days before the dance, and not to worry. We will find a wonderful dress.

2 hours later, I get a picture message from Doodle. I open it, to find a picture of her in a cute little dress. I asked her all sorts of questions about the dress. Where was it at? How much does it cost? Could HeeHaw pay for it, and swing by my house on his way home since it’s only a block out of his way, and I would give him cash for the dress?

HeeHaw took her shopping after all, most likely to make sure the dress was appropriate for his HIGH standards and to have the control, since he didn't approve of last years dress. But this my friends, is my favorite part. Hold on to your knickers because I'm about to blow you away!

Not only would HeeHaw not let me take Doodle dress shopping, he wouldn't pay for the dress because "he did that before and it didn't work out so well". So, they put the dress on hold, and I was going to have to make another trip out that day to buy the damn dress.

Guess how much it was??? $20. Yep, a whole $20 dollars. And he couldn't pay for his daughters dress? Who the fuck are you? You couldn't pay $20, come by my house, which is on your way home and whole 3 miles from where they bought the dress, to have me pay you back???? He can't pay $20 for the stinking dress but can send LL to a jewelry party to buy something? Anybody else see something wrong with this picture?

HeeHaw needed a new outfit for the dance. Are you kidding me? It’s not a grown up fashion show. I know several dads who wear the same thing every year, even one who wears jeans! HeeHaw seems to have a whole closet full of new clothes since LL arrived on the scene. It’s not about what you wear, it's about the memories you create with your daughter. Doodle doesn’t care what HeeHaw wears. She only cares that her daddy cared enough to take her and spend that special time with her.

Ugh. Seriously? Who has the bad track record of paying or reimbursing for things the kids need? That would be YOU jackass. Lets talk about the $400 some dollars you owe me right now. Still haven't seen a dime of that.

So, PB and I roll on out to the store to get the dress. PB is so mad he could spit nails. He refuses to let me pay for the dress, insisting he pay for it. That is sad. That MY boyfriend paid for Doodle's dress when her father wouldn't.

My current dilemma? Pay for dinner? Jackass Mother Fucker claims he doesn’t have enough money, after getting his new clothes and spending $20 on the tickets, to take Doodle out to dinner as has been their tradition. I want Doodle to have that special experience, but do I have to provide it all?

HeeHaw is a child. He has tarnished this dance for Doodle already, and the dance isn't even here yet. All because he is stupid, petty and self centered. Oh yeah, father of the year material for sure.

January 25, 2012

Gurlz Weekend 2012

Last weekend I went away for the 6th annual Girlfriends Scrapbook retreat.

Let me just say, if you are a crafter, this is the weekend for you! It is 40 some ladies in the same place, at the same time, crafting away for 3 glorious days.

Picture this: having all your meals cooked for you, no cleaning, no men, no children, and being able to leave ALL your crafting supplies out for the E-N-T-I-R-E weekend.

Does that not sound like bliss? Let me assure you, it is. Heaven, on earth. For 3 whole days. That I look forward to ALL YEAR LONG.

I never went to college, but I can imagine this is what it's like.

We play practical jokes.

We stay up late.

We wake up way too early.

We leave each other little presents.

We are sleep deprived.

We laugh until we cry.

We eat excellent food!

We gossip, dish and dis all weekend.

Jealous? Ya, you should be!
And I can't wait for next year!

January 20, 2012

Lookey what I got!!!

I follow a LOT of blogs. Some days I spend more time on the computer than I should just taking in all the yummy designs and creativity, or catching up on the latest happenings in my "bloggy friend world". I'm cool like that. Real life friends, blog friends, even imaginary friends. Shhh. Don't tell anyone k?

ANYWAY~ Chelsea over at two twenty one is one of my new found blogs! I found her on Pinterest, and loved, loved, loved what I saw. So of course I had to check out her blog. When I saw this post, I knew right away that I needed to have my free crappy portrait done as well. So, here is what I submitted:

My name is Banjo. I have 2 kids, Lil C and Doodle. Divorced, and better for it! A couple of years ago, I met an amazing man named PB, pictured above with his son C-dog, and we have been inseparable ever since. We are not married, but live together, quite happily in sin thank you very much, as a blended unit.

I love a parade, any kind, I collect witches, love to laugh. I am an avid reader, a blogger and I scrapbook whenever I can. I have a love affair with a pirate, which PB indulges, and I get in to every holiday. I have funky socks/earrings/hats/clothing for all of them! I am not afraid to embarrass my children, I love good food and I enjoy a glass of wine, or two, or three........

Would love to have one of your drawings on my wall.......

Thank you!
I attached these photos:
Drum roll please?????

This is what I got back:
 Do you LOVE it as much as me????? Hahaha! The Crazy Bunch! That is what we are from now on!! Thank you FreeCrappyPortraits.com. This will be framed and hung on my wall.

January 19, 2012

Men: Need I say more?

Some interesting facts and observations about the men folk:

This happens all the time, but yesterday was particularly funny. While on the phone with CHB, PB comes marching up to me and starts a conversation. Like he didn't see the phone to my ear, and he didn't hear me talking. And you know what he had to say? ABSOLUTELY nothing of consequence. Nothing that couldn't have waited until I was OFF THE PHONE.

With the recent snowfall here, pics to come later, the SMALL MAN syndrome comes out in full force. Like the jerk off who was tailing me this morning. I was on the main drag here in town, about 4 blocks from my work. I was approaching a stoplight when this red Silverado truck comes barreling down on my bumper. Now, most "observant" drivers would see the light was red, and that I was tapping my brakes. Being safe and all, as there was ice showing through the snow and I had already slid at the previous intersection. So here I am, bracing myself for impact, he is that close, when he jerks the wheel to the left to get in the left turn lane. As he passes on my left he actually has his window rolled down to give me a dirty look. Really? Better safe than sorry I say. And I hope you run your precious red truck in to something. Hopefully that will teach you a lesson. Nobody is invincible from ice jackass.

When it comes to matters of the home, men know all. Or like to think they do. My favorite is when you say you are going to start a project, and not only do they NOT want to help you, the man will hover over you, give you "pointers" (always unwanted) and then tell you that you are doing it wrong, or they would have done it this way...... blah blah blah. How about instead, you offer help or my personal favorite? Stay out of it unless I ask for help!

I know I am missing some good ones here, but this was off the top of my head. What's your "favorite" men-ism?

January 18, 2012

Why I hate Religion........ part 2

Hopefully you had a chance to watch the video post from yesterday. If you have been keeping up with the Great Ear Piercing Debacle of 2011, I have some updates for you.

Once HeeHaw found out about the ear piercing, he literally/figuratively and totally flipped a lid. Lil C was upset, and as he continued to talk/text his father, things continued to get worse.

HeeHaw started out with being :disappointed" in me, for taking him to get it done. Well, since we are divorced, I could give two shits if he was disappointed in me or not. Sorry, that ass backwards line of reasoning doesn't work for me. (Although we all know he will keep trying to use that.)

Then it went in to HeeHaw letting Lil C know that he would have to take the earring out once he got back to his house. Lil C tried to reason with him. (chuckling to myself as that is not a possibility). Lil C tried using: "it's not like it's drugs, or a tattoo or something that is bad for me"........ those didn't work

Then Lil C tried the "once the piercings heal I can take the earrings out at your house Dad"..... but those fell on deaf ears as well. Doodle even got in to the mix when unbeknowst to me she texted HeeHaw to let him know she didn't agree with him, and he was being disrespectful to Lil C and she is on Lil C's side this time. WOW. Never saw that one coming.

HeeHaw responded to both children via text letting them know there would be MAJOR consequences when they got home and that this was the end of the discussion until then. MAJOR consequences? Give me a break.

24 hours later Lil C and Doodle are back at HeeHaw's house. This was of course after Lettuce Lady comes to pick up the children and Lil C refuses to go. Lil C said that if HeeHaw was not going to let him keep the earring, he wasn't going to his house until it healed. I told Lil C that he needed to go to his dad's, because not only is that the parenting plan we have in force, but Lil C is not going to get anywhere with HeeHaw by continuing to argue with him.

I checked in with the kids a coupe of hours later, wanting to know what the "MAJOR consequences" were and what had happened.

Per the chitlins, HeeHaw made a flip-flop decision yet again (shocked aren't you). He will allow Lil C to keep the earrings in, except when Lil C goes anywhere with HeeHaw and L.L. ANYWHERE. To the grocery store, to church, to go out to eat, when they have company over. You name it.

So, that was a long drawn out story to get to Why I hate Religion, part 2:

HeeHaw is SO concerned about what people in his church community think. He wants to impress the people who are ALREADY Christians. God forbid somebody think he is actually a "real" human being, dealing with "real" life issues. Please tell me what an ear piercing has to do with being un-Godly?

Is HeeHaw saying that if you have tattoos you are not welcome in the church? What about recovered alcoholics or drug addicts? Convicted murderers? Or how about the Saturday night drinkers and smokers that come to church on Sunday? Is there a difference? I thought according to the Bible those were ALL examples of sins.

What really pisses me off is this: when HeeHaw was married to me, broke his matrimonial vows on several occasions, drank in excess and came and went in his faith the WHOLE time we were married, but he is considered a good example of Christianity? Am I the only one who sees the issue with this?

The church that HeeHaw and L.L. go to recently asked them to lead the youth groups for the high school kids. I was in shock. This narrow minded man is going to lead young, impressionable kids on the "right" path? While continuing to be two-faced to everyone else? You have got to be kidding me.

This is why religion gets a bad name. In order to be an "acceptable" member of the church community you have to have your butt in church every Sunday, but who cares how you are, or where you are the rest of the week?

HeeHaw can portray his "Christian holiness" to everyone else, using his "Hypocrites Guide to the Universe" to show people how uuber religious he is. They can only see what HeeHaw shows them. I on the other hand, know better. You can't shove your faith down my throat when I know the evilness that lurks behind those eyes. When I continue to see it, hear it and live it from him.

No. I don't want any part of it. I don't have to go to church to believe in God. I choose to keep it real.

January 12, 2012

January 9, 2012

Bling-ed out 2012

It was Friday.

January 6th.

6:15 pm.

Claire's Boutique

Lil C, Doodle, and Alex (Lil C's emotional support) and I, all crammed around the little ear piercing station.

Lil C watched as a 9 month old and a 2 year old got their ears pierced. And a look of horror crossed his face.

The 2 year old was screaming. Her head off. Literally. Lil C turns to me and is like "Mom, is it going to hurt that bad? What if I can only make it through getting one ear pierced?"

I told him the decision was his, and he stuck to his guns.

Here is the "virginal" ear before:

Once in the chair, he had to wait for the tech to ring up the screaming little girls and their mom.

Here comes the gal with her purple marking pen. Lil C is telling her where to put them. I had to remind him that this gal was a "professional" and knew where to put the earrings at.

After his ears are dotted, Lil C gets a "final" chance to review placement before the earrings go in.

 Here comes the gun. And a wince.

Left ear, right ear, and we are done.

And one happy boy! Grinning from ear to ear!

The gal shows him how to clean his ears, and what to do to take care of his new "holes".

His little pink bag of goodies.

And the NEW Lil C!

Regrets? Nope. Well not yet anyway.

January 6, 2012

NEW LINK for ME ***effective 1/9/12***

Take note folks:

It will be changed on Monday, so make sure you save this.


It's a new dawn, it's a new day~

And I'm feeling............. g-o-o-d.

Oh yes I am. Want to know why? Of course you do.

Lil C and I had a conversation last night.

The result?

I will be taking him to get his ears pierced.


And I left the decision completely up to him.

Gave him all the pro's and con's. Gave him some ideas for talking to HeeHaw about it. Lil C made his choice.

You know that HeeHaw is going to have his panties in a bunch about this one. I will post pics of this monumental event as soon as I can.

I know you are all dying to see Lil C's earlobes all blinged out........

January 4, 2012

Celebrity Wife Swap

When I saw the preview for this show over the weekend I knew I wanted to see it.

I used to watch Wife Swap all the time. My favorite episode was from Season 3, episode 16. Seriously. But back to the topic at hand.

Last night was the debut of the Celebrity Wife Swap. Did you catch it? Well I did, and let me tell you...... the celebrities "featured" last night were Gary Busy and his fiance Stephanie and Ted and Gayle Haggard.

Now, I know all about Gary Busey. But, I guess I missed the boat on the whole gay masseuse scandal with Ted Haggard.

So, the "wives" swap places. The first thing I notice is that Gary Busey is basically an overgrown kid. Which can be great, being he has a very young son, but for every day? Stephanie has her hands full.

Gayle Haggard blew me away. What a classy woman. WOW. She not only listened to Gary's rantings and off the wall comments, she was super respectful of the differences in their religions.

Stephanie was also great with Ted Haggard and the kids. She was also very respectful of the religious way that the Haggards were raising their children.

Towards the end, I had a great amount of awe and respect for Stephanie. She has to put up with Gary day in and day out. I would need to be drugged or drunk to do that. Honestly. He is a handful.

I can not wait to see who is next! I saw the previews for more episodes and the one I think I am most interested to watch is the Flavor Flav one..... that is going to be interesting!

January 2, 2012

It's the end of the world as we know it............

Over the past 4 days, HeeHaw and I have been in a war of the words. Shocked aren't you?

Let me back up 2 years:

When HeeHaw and I went to court, with our temporary, proposed and FINAL Parenting Plan, we had been operating under the conditions we brought forth to the courts for a year already.

Shortly after the FINAL draft was checked, double checked, approved by the court, signed, sealed and delivered, HeeHaw wanted to "swap" the days we had. I went along with it, because neither of us were missing out on anything, and the kids were open to it.

There have been a few times that we have verbally, or through email, changed the schedule........ swapping a weekend here and there. Coordinating the summer or winter break schedule.

HeeHaw has asked several times for a change to the schedule, usually depending on which girl was in his life at the time, and what would be most convenient for them.

Most of the time, I went along with the changes. There was only once that I can remember refusing to adopt his newest plan.

So, 2 weeks ago, HeeHaw sent me a proposed schedule change for the remainder of the holiday break, as well as the month of January. I agreed, after several emails back and forth.

The children were headed back to his house on the 30th, to return to me at 6pm on the first on January. When I texted HeeHaw a few days before the 30th to double check what time on Sunday I was to pick them up, the began.

HeeHaw wanted to change the schedule YET AGAIN. At first I was honest to goodness in shock........ but then the clouds parted and I remembered. I had saved all the emails, text messages, changes to the schedule and updated calendars.

I had HIS words, the calendar HE sent me in his own handwriting, and the ENTIRE email trail. I was not rude, degrading, hostile or mean in any of those emails. But, I was firm. Extremely firm.

I was NOT going to back down when I knew I was right. When I had all the facts to back me up. And I was most definitely not going to give up my time with the children because HeeHaw made a mistake, or forgot the schedule that he sent me.

HE was the one who asked ME to change the plan. HE is the one who sent me 6 weeks of a REVISED schedule. So why, please tell me, and I the crazy one?

Well, I let it be known that I would be there Sunday to pick the kids up at 6. Unless he would like to keep the kids until 8, which I offered SEVERAL times. HeeHaw made a huge scene when he came to get the kids, which pissed me off. Poor Doodle is such the peacemaker and HE put her in the middle again.

Fast forward a day, and the emails start to roll in again. Wait for it............

"This will be the last email you will get directly from me. All future talks or emails will be done with Lettuce Lady and you."

Are you fucking kidding me? Who are the parents of these children? Uhm that would be me and you jackass. But to take this ridiculousness to a whole new level? HeeHaw and LL have set up a new email. They would like all future correspondence to go there, because jackass thinks I will be "more civil" that way.

Well, you can bet your ass I am not sending ANYTHING to that new email. If we honestly have to go through this shit all over again, and I have to ONCE AGAIN remind both HeeHaw and LL of who the responsible parties are for these children?

I won't know, nor will I in the foreseeable future, direct all my concerns, emails, schedule changes or life decisions about my children to HeeHaw;s wife. mark my words.

I am done being walked on. I am done being told them I am not good enough as the mother of these children. I am done being told that I am a bitch because I refuse to let HeeHaw walk all over me.

The gloves are off. Well, for the most part. Since I do most of my communicating via email, or text, I can keep records of everything. That means I also have to be careful what I say.

I have this gut feeling that something is coming down the pipeline very soon from HeeHaw. I am not sure if it going to be a change to the Child Support amount, or a change in who has the kids when. I just know that it feels like we are prepping for battle. Ugh.