October 31, 2011


What a weekend.
Most days, at least that is what I tell myself, I am pretty good about covering up how I feel about Heehaw and his wife.
So good in fact, one of the moms on Doodle’s soccer team actually commented about how well we all get along, and how nice it is that we can all sit together at soccer and be polite with each other.
Ha! My carefully crafted veneer is working! Most people seem to think that I am super ok with my children having another “mom” in their lives.
There has been a tug of war every weekend at soccer. It goes like this: on my weekends, the kids both sit with me during the game, and on Heehaw’s weekend the kids sit with him and L.L.
For the past 3 weekends, Lil C has made it very clear how upset Heehaw was every time Lil C came over  to me, sat with me, talked with me. What I found super interesting about this was 2 of those 3 weekends were mine. Petty as it may sound, this is my question: why should Heehaw make either of the children feel like they are in trouble when they sit with me, if it is not his weekend?
I am most certainly not going to get in a pissing match at the field about it, but I have told Lil C that on my weekends he can sit wherever he likes. He can talk to whomever he wants, and if that means he doesn’t hang out with dear ole dad, so be it.
It has gotten to the point where, at yesterday’s game, as I come in from the parking lot to take my place on the sidelines, all I get from my son is a “Hi Mom” and he stays glued to Heehaw’s side. But wait! It gets better! L.L. then says, “Go and hug your mother”. Awesome. I just smiled and kept walking, saying that if he didn’t want to hug me or acknowledge I was there, that was ok.
Inside, I was dying. Poor Lil C is made to feel like he can’t even say hi or hug me when its not my weekend? About 15 minutes later Lil C came over to me and stood next to me for 5 minutes before leaving. Parting with the words “I don’t want dad to get mad I am over here”. I laughed it off, saying how standing next to your mom was such a bad thing, and waved Lil C on his way.
One of the mom’s, who had overheard the entire exchange, came over and hugged me. Which made it worse. I felt like it was bad enough to have all that happen in front of other people, but then to get the pity? Ugh.
On the one hand it makes me glad that other people can see what a douche my ex-husband is. But on the other hand? I wish it would happened when I wasn’t around. All I usually end of feeling, after the initial anger/sadness/bitterness is embarrassment.
About 4 hours later, when the kiddos are dropped off at my house, the barrage continues. Doodle has been offered a trip to the east coast with a teacher from school. I am excited for her! BUT, the next thing I know, she is telling me that she already talked to Heehaw and L.L. about it, they have agreed it would be fun for her AND her brother (I guess siblings are welcome) and then the bomb drops.
Doodle proudly informs me that not only is Heehaw willing to pitch in for the cost, he will go one step further. Heehaw will pay for Lil C if I pay for Doodle.
Several things run through my brain when I hear this:
1.       Doodle took this all to Heehaw and L.L. first. Ouch. However irrational that feeling may be, it’s still there.
2.       Heehaw wants to pay ½? What happened to the 68% he is supposed to pay? He honestly still thinks that he should only pay 50% of ANY bill.
3.       And last but not least: Heehaw wants to pay for this trip but cant help pay for Doodle’s counseling? Girl Scout trips? Lil C’s braces?
Am I being punked? Yes, I think so. I am super glad that no one was around when I got all this news. It would have been hard to conceal my anger under my carefully crafted veneer.

October 28, 2011

Friday Fun 10.28.11

Can you believe that October is almost over? Egads........ where did the month go?

Hope you have a nice weekend. Happy Friday!

October 18, 2011

Random Recap

I'm sick. Have been for 5 days now. Friday, when I left the office I went home and went directly to bed. Or tried to. Of course when I want to sleep, even for 30 minutes, everyone and their brother/mother/sister blows up my phone.

Saturday went dress shopping with my friend Debbi. She is getting married in December and I am her maid of honor. We were out and about looking for a dress for me on the cheap. Found one, finally, that fit over my boobs and was very friendly to the budget. Came home and crashed out on the couch.

Sunday, went to Doodle's soccer game. Doodle scored her first goal of the season........... unfortunately it was in the other team's goal. :(  Super awkward moment at the end of the game too. HeeHaw's parents came. I waited until the end of the game to go over and say hi. As I was leaving, I hugged both kids goodbye, and did the same for the ex in-laws. Super love that it makes HeeHaw mad that I have a good relationship with his folks but super hate that any interaction I have with them in front of HeeHaw is uncomfortable and awkward for them.

It chaps HeeHaw's ass that I have any kind of relationship with "his" friends and/or his family. Because since we are divorced there should be no reason that any of those people would want or like to talk to me...... ha. If he actually looked at most of the friendships he has, I cultivated most of them. I also covered up for his jackass behavior and saved a lot of those friendships. He should stick that in his pipe and smoke it.

Yesterday, went to the dentist. After some major anxiety in the chair, it went better than expected. It is still sore today but is a lot better than it was in the week prior.

Now if I could just get some damn sleep. Up hacking the last 5 nights, trouble sleeping the 5 night before that because of the damn tooth issue............ needless to say I'm cranky, tired, and just generally irritable. Awesome.

October 14, 2011

Friday Fun 10.14.11

This week seemed to go pretty dang fast........... Happy Friday everyone! Have a great weekend!

October 11, 2011


This I know to be true:

There is NO pain like dental pain. Seriously. I would rather go through childbirth again then have any dental pain.

The day we left for my mom's house, the entire left side of my mouth hurt. I felt like I had been clenching my teeth for HOURS and my jaw was throbbing.

Made it through the drive down......... barely. Continued on with the pain all weekend, set at a dull throb. Couple more days go by, and the pain worsens e-v-e-r-y night.

It finally reaches intolerable proportions Thursday night.

Friday morning, after I had cried myself to sleep the night before, I call every dentist in town. Wouldn't you know that most of them only work 4 days a week? And those 4 days DON'T include Friday?

Well, I found a Gentle Dentle location here in Mtown that was not only open, but who could squeeze me in at 930am. I drove my sorry butt down there, filled out the mountain of paperwork and waited for someone to see me.

As I got all lowered in to the chair, the waterworks started again. Ugh. I hate crying first of all, but second? In front of other people? Even better.

The dentist takes a look around, they take an xray and 20 minutes later I have a diagnosis. In the same back tooth, I have a fracture AND a huge cavity that is under an already filled cavity. Great.

So, they are going to take the old cavity out, take care of the new cavity and the fracture at the same time. Awesome. But what about right me now????? To say nothing about my blood pressure which is spiking through the roof from dental anxiety, little sleep and being in extreme pain.......... how am I going to make it to the next appointment?

Luckily, they give me a prescription for a little thing called Vicodan. Or which I like to call the happy pill. It makes me forget my mouth hurts.

So far, I have been able to make it all through the day on Ibuprofen alone and only take the happy pill at night. With the added night guard at night to prevent further grinding and clenching of my teeth, this system is working out pretty well.

I am scheduled for the procedure (or as I like to call it, mouth fishing) on the 17th. Wish me luck. I super hate the dentist. I am sure they are nice people and it's not personal. I am just positive that they are going to choke me one of these times with that stupid dental dam. I feel it in my bones.

Are you afraid of the dentist? If so, why?