October 31, 2011

Veneers

What a weekend.
Most days, at least that is what I tell myself, I am pretty good about covering up how I feel about Heehaw and his wife.
So good in fact, one of the moms on Doodle’s soccer team actually commented about how well we all get along, and how nice it is that we can all sit together at soccer and be polite with each other.
Ha! My carefully crafted veneer is working! Most people seem to think that I am super ok with my children having another “mom” in their lives.
There has been a tug of war every weekend at soccer. It goes like this: on my weekends, the kids both sit with me during the game, and on Heehaw’s weekend the kids sit with him and L.L.
For the past 3 weekends, Lil C has made it very clear how upset Heehaw was every time Lil C came over  to me, sat with me, talked with me. What I found super interesting about this was 2 of those 3 weekends were mine. Petty as it may sound, this is my question: why should Heehaw make either of the children feel like they are in trouble when they sit with me, if it is not his weekend?
I am most certainly not going to get in a pissing match at the field about it, but I have told Lil C that on my weekends he can sit wherever he likes. He can talk to whomever he wants, and if that means he doesn’t hang out with dear ole dad, so be it.
It has gotten to the point where, at yesterday’s game, as I come in from the parking lot to take my place on the sidelines, all I get from my son is a “Hi Mom” and he stays glued to Heehaw’s side. But wait! It gets better! L.L. then says, “Go and hug your mother”. Awesome. I just smiled and kept walking, saying that if he didn’t want to hug me or acknowledge I was there, that was ok.
Inside, I was dying. Poor Lil C is made to feel like he can’t even say hi or hug me when its not my weekend? About 15 minutes later Lil C came over to me and stood next to me for 5 minutes before leaving. Parting with the words “I don’t want dad to get mad I am over here”. I laughed it off, saying how standing next to your mom was such a bad thing, and waved Lil C on his way.
One of the mom’s, who had overheard the entire exchange, came over and hugged me. Which made it worse. I felt like it was bad enough to have all that happen in front of other people, but then to get the pity? Ugh.
On the one hand it makes me glad that other people can see what a douche my ex-husband is. But on the other hand? I wish it would happened when I wasn’t around. All I usually end of feeling, after the initial anger/sadness/bitterness is embarrassment.
About 4 hours later, when the kiddos are dropped off at my house, the barrage continues. Doodle has been offered a trip to the east coast with a teacher from school. I am excited for her! BUT, the next thing I know, she is telling me that she already talked to Heehaw and L.L. about it, they have agreed it would be fun for her AND her brother (I guess siblings are welcome) and then the bomb drops.
Doodle proudly informs me that not only is Heehaw willing to pitch in for the cost, he will go one step further. Heehaw will pay for Lil C if I pay for Doodle.
Several things run through my brain when I hear this:
1.       Doodle took this all to Heehaw and L.L. first. Ouch. However irrational that feeling may be, it’s still there.
2.       Heehaw wants to pay ½? What happened to the 68% he is supposed to pay? He honestly still thinks that he should only pay 50% of ANY bill.
3.       And last but not least: Heehaw wants to pay for this trip but cant help pay for Doodle’s counseling? Girl Scout trips? Lil C’s braces?
Am I being punked? Yes, I think so. I am super glad that no one was around when I got all this news. It would have been hard to conceal my anger under my carefully crafted veneer.

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