Ok, no more tug of war. Time to put the rope down and let it go. The decision has been taken out of my hands therefore alleviating the need for the internal tug of war. Not that is wasn't a blast. After all, tug of war within yourself is always more of a learning experience than anything else, however with that said, I could do without the rope burns on my hands and the skid marks that are on my knees.
I will get through this. No matter who says to do this or that, I can only take it one day at a time. I will just keep swimming.