June 20, 2011

My Midnight Visitor

Let me set the scene for you.

It's 12:11 pm. PB and I are ready for bed.

The cat is outside, and didn't come running when I called her.

So I decide to leave the front door open while I get ready for bed. To be fair, the front door was already open cause PB likes the fresh air........

I go about my business in the bathroom. Then, forgetting the front door is open, I crawl in to bed. At 12:22 am, I remember the front door is open, and I go to close it. Still haven't seen the cat, but figure she can camp on the front porch for the night since she didn't want to come in.

I crawl back in bed, and am just getting comfortable, when PB and I hear this loud crunching coming from the end of the hall, where the cat food dish is. The laundry room is right next to the garage and we keep the door cracked for the cat so she can eat whenever she wants.

Back to the story. This crunching sound we hear is LOUD. PB says he thinks the neighbor cat or something ELSE got in. So, I huff and puff and say "if it's just the cat I'm gonna be irritated I got out of bed"......... I throw on a tee shirt and flip on the hall light.

In the middle of the hallway, back arched and tail in the air, is the cat. I take a step towards the laundry room to see what else is down there, and this ugly pink nose pokes it's head out of the laundry room.

I shriek like a little girl, run and jump on the bed, and scream at PB that there is a possum! IN. THE. HOUSE! OMG. Help! PB gets out of bed, throws some clothes on, and starts down the hall. With a gun in his hand. Oi.

I scream at him "You can't shoot it"! PB puts the gun back, grabs a HUGE golf club, and charges down the hall. The little possum runs under the dryer once it sees PB coming, and the cat takes off, putting faith in PB and I to handle situation.

PB opens the door to the garage, and we decide to erect a barrier in the hall so it will run out to the garage. I grab all the laundry baskets and make a wall of clean laundry in the hall. Before I will let PB swat the intruder out of the laundry room, I make sure I "gear up". I put on my thickest pair of tennis shoes, leap to the other side of the laundry wall, and wait, heart pounding for PB to direct me. Cause truth be told? This is man's work, not mine..........

PB hands me the Swiffer. He tells me to make sure that I direct the possum out to the garage so it doesn't go through the laundry wall. Swiffer in hand, I am ready and waiting in the hall. PB gets the ugly little thing out from behind the dryer. And guess where the little thing runs?

Right. At. Me. And through my laundry wall! Shit! It runs down the hall, and scurries under the bed. Now, not am I totally freaked out, I have woken up Doodle and Lil C. I yell at them to stay in their rooms, it's under control, and race to the bedroom. I am doing the girlie "EEEWWWWW" dance, you know the one. When I see something gross, or I have to deal with some disgusting bodily fluid. Good times.

So, here we are in the bedroom. PB tells me to take the Swiffer and start batting around under the bed. I whack at anything and everything in my way. Until I see it's little tail. I screech again, and keep swatting at it. PB is on the other side of the bed with the golf club to make sure it runs back down the hall towards the garage.

It runs out from under the bed close to PB so he gives it a little shove, and down the hall it goes. And, as we wait, holding our breath, out the garage it goes. I had my finger on the garage door button so as soon as that ugly little varmint ran out I quickly closed the door and shuddered out a sigh of relief.

I am totally AWAKE now. So is PB and so are the children. We get the kids back in to bed, and snuggle down on the couch. I am totally grossed out. I don't even want to put my feet on the carpet because I have a serious case of the hee-bee jee-bee's........

And just so you know? If you see me, running out of the house, plum colored scoop neck tee shirt, a pair of Adidas tennis shoes, showing my butt cheeks (cause who had time to throw on a pair of pants? you're lucky I had a thong on at all....) and a Swiffer in hand? You guessed it. There is a possum in the house.

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