January 25, 2011

Drama with a capitol "D"

Ok first things first: update from THIS post last week:

I want to be clear that I whole hearted-ly support the children going to church and youth group if that is what they choose to be involved in. HOWEVER, school comes first during the week, and that was the main point I was trying to drive home.

Since last week the children have both brought their grades up a FULL letter each and are working hard at making continued progress. I am very proud of them! I let them off the hook Friday night to have a little fun and we have hit the books hard again every day since Saturday and they are responding soooooo much better to a much needed break. Huzah!

Now on to this week:
Let me be V-E-R-Y clear: I am a divorced woman. Ok? I no longer want to BE with my ex-husband. Ok? What do I want then you ask? To not be fazed out of my children's lives.

In 2 weeks the annual Father-Daughter dance is coming up. Doodle has gone every year and we have a few traditions. I take her dress shopping, I order the corsage, I get her ready for the dance. HeeHaw gets the dance tickets, takes her to the dance and then out to dinner afterwards. He also is in charge of taking pictures at the dance.

2 years ago, right before the divorce, I did all the above. LAST YEAR when we were divorced I did all the above. This year? Yup, you guessed it. No more. Now that LL is in town, HeeHaw would like her to get Doodle ready for the dance.

Now, this may come as a shock to some of you, but this has been a working arrangement, even though HeeHaw and I are no longer together. I know most divorced people don't work this way. I see that. But it came as a upper cut to the jaw from left field when the verdict was delivered from JAMF yesterday.

I. AM. HURT.   I. AM. DISSAPOINTED. I feel like HeeHaw is fazing me out my children's lives and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I feel that for all the major events in their lives, my kidlets will remember whatever girlfriend/flavor of the month/fiance/wife was around at the time, and wonder where their mother was in all of it, or why she wasn't there.

HeeHaw told me he would talk to LL about it because she, and I quote, "doesn't want to step over the boundaries or hurt my feeling." Well, since she is not a mother she can not KNOW what it feels like. The pure and simple fact is that HeeHaw is more than happy to ask LL to be involved without a SINGLE SOLITARY thought to how I would feel. JAMF thinks that since LL is there that automatically negates my job as the mother of my children. And I guess if you look at it from his narrow minded holier than thou perspective, he is right. I was never a good enough mom/wife/caretaker to suit him anyway........

This is just another classic example of HeeHaw's selfishness. Do you think JAMF bothered to think what Doodle would feel about this? Do you think JAMF stopped to consider how he would feel if I asked PB to take Doodle to the Father-Daughter dance?

I may not be married to HeeHaw anymore (thank God!), I don't have to like him, I don't have to tolerate his antics and I most certainly do not allow him the power to run over me anymore. I think I harbor some SERIOUS hate towards him actually. But even with all that considered? I have NEVER ONCE asked some other M-A-N to step in to a role or job that most certainly belongs to HeeHaw as the children's FATHER. I am not sure why I would even consider asking him to show me the same courtesy.

I have missed out on Doodle's first period, a major hair cut (10 inches cut off) and now this. I am sure there is more to come and I should get used to it. Doesn't make it hurt any less.

So my role has been reduced to dress shopping only. Well, until LL takes that away too. Not holding my breath. The other shoe WILL drop on that next year I'm sure.

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