January 14, 2016

This. Just this.


This feeling I have every day? It's awesome, and I cant imagine going another day without it. What is it you ask? Well, let me see if I can explain it to you, and in the process TRY to do it justice. 

A little shy of 2 years ago, this man walked in to my life. I immediately saw (and felt) something different. He was a gentleman, he actually listened when I spoke, and my quirkiness did not seem bother him. At all. In fact, he seemed to embrace it. 

Due to my not so stellar line up of men prior to meeting NiceGuy (I am pretty sure my man picker was broke) the poor guy had several hurdles to jump over, unbeknownst to him. 

With every challenge, freak out, question, and uncertainty I showed/presented/shoved in his face, he handled them all with patience. And grace. And understanding. 

He took all of my hurt, my distrust, my defensiveness, and offered up a salve, a solution, an understanding. He patiently waited for me to see that the other shoe was NOT going to drop, and to realize that he was EXACTLY what he said he was. And he did EXACTLY what he said he would do. Never fully comprehending (at least that is the way it seemed to me) that my experiences taught me that no man in my life had ever done that for me. No man had ever showed me that I could trust him, rely on him. 

A very BIG revelation came to me the other night, and it shocked me to my core. For the FIRST time in my life, I am in a healthy relationship. With someone that I love. Who loves me. TRULY. I am FINALLY able to show Lil C and Doodle what their mom looks like when she is happy. And 100% herself. All my chips are in. Not only with those rugrats or her friends, but with the man in her life. Whoa. 

NiceGuy accepts me for who I am, every god damn day. Yeah, I have faults. And a past. And issues that I can certainly work on. But you know what? He is there for every step of the way. Supporting me. Understanding me. And loving me on top of it. Do you know how fucking cool that is? 

Where has this man been all of my life? I know they say you have to go through some bad eggs before you truly appreciate a good one... but I wish he had been around so much earlier than he was. Because I am selfish like that. 

It is such a crazy thing to hear my friends tell me how much they like him (that has NEVER happened before) and how well we fit together, how great it is to see me so happy, and how he just fits in with our group, like he has always been there. That is NOT and easy accomplishment. My village is pretty god damn kooky!!

I am sure NiceGuy will be HORRIFIED to see that I am singing his praises so publicly. But I had to. He is SO.Freaking. Awesome. And he deserves to know how wonderful he is. 

This song sums up how I would like to be the rest of my life...... with NiceGuy by my side. On as many Double J adventures as we can possibly make happen. 


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