September 26, 2014

Money talks, and bullshit walks

Well at least it does around Mtown.
Now, it has been a while since I have shared a HeeHaw story with you, dear readers. I think it's past time that you heard the latest installment. Strap yourselves in and take a sip of the haterade I am sharing.
You may or may not know......... Lil C turned the big 1-8 this summer. I still can't believe it. Why am I bringing this up? Well, let me tell ya. Ever since my divorce was final, I have received a small amount in child support from HeeHaw. Which totally chaps HeeHaw's ass, since we have joint custody of our two cherubs.
Since Lil C turned 18 this year, there is no need to collect child support for him anymore. Or so you would think. Turns out when we filed the divorce papers 5+ years ago, there was NOT a specific amount listed PER CHILD. So, since the state could not determine how much was being collected in support for Lil C, and how much was for Doodle, they could NOT change the amount I was receiving.
Now, before you go and get your panties all wadded up, here this: HeeHaw could fill out MODIFICATION paperwork if he wanted to. That could change the amount he is paying. The likelihood that his support amount would go down? About as likely as me winning the lottery........... since I don't play. I took such a downward deviation in support (in lieu of something else) when we finalized our divorce, should HeeHaw submit his income, it was almost a given that the state would make him pay more. Like more than DOUBLE what he is paying now.
Now, thanks to ME and my BIG mouth, HeeHaw opted out of the modification. Damnit.
With Lil C deciding to live with me full time upon his 18th birthday, he and I went through some ground rules, and what would be expected of him. We also laid out a rental agreement. He was to pitch in a TINY bit for his "rent" and his portion of the cell phone bill. Now that I was not going to loose the child support I thought I would, I lowered Lil C's amount. I thought about it, and as a rite of passage, the boy needs to know the value of paying rent, and that mom's house is not a free ride.
But all of that was not good enough for HeeHaw. During the football game a couple of weeks ago, he decided to ask Lil C if he knew that I was still receiving support for him. Even though its not for Lil C anymore, HeeHaw thought it was important for the boy child to know this. Why? Because it made ME look bad. To my son. Who then turned around to confront ME about it.
I asked Lil C why he thought I needed to justify the amount of support I received? Or for that matter, how much money I made. Or how much my car insurance or 401k was. Really? It has NOTHING to do with Lil C, and I would be willing to bet that HeeHaw and LL dont share ALL their financial info with Lil C.
So I thought to myself: Why couldn't Lil C know the truth? He is 18 now. He can make his own decisions. I shared with Lil C all the struggles I had been through while still receiving child support. The days (when we were first divorced) where I didn't eat, because I had only enough food to feed the kids. Why my kids had to share a bedroom. Why we didnt have cable. How I did without to make sure they had birthday presents, or Christmas presents (as any single parent does). How I would not have eaten on any day I didnt have the kids, had CHB or Moxie not called to invite me over. How I had my power shut off. How I would only turn the heat on in the kids room, because I couldnt afford to heat the whole house.
All the while? HeeHaw had a brand new car. Or the latest gadget. Or whatever it was that was shiny and new. And that? Made my blood BOIL.

But hey, I made it work. As best as I could. And eventually, things got better. I paid off my car (one less bill for myself.) I learned how to budget, coupon, and scrimp, save and stretch things out to make them last.
At times I was bitter that I relied on that money to survive. But I got over that real fast. Especially when HeeHaw failed to live up to his end of the bargain, with paying for the things he had agreed to as part of our divorce.
Having this conversation with Lil C brought back some of that bitterness. And I was angry with myself for letting him walk all over me, only because I didnt have the resources, or the will, to fight him at the time.
I hemmed and hawed over sharing this with you, my dear readers. And I had decided not too, until a couple of days ago.

Lil C came to me and said "Hey mom, I heard you got a raise. How come you didnt tell me, and I had to hear it from dad?"
Fuck. My. Life. I had let it slip to Doodle the other day that I got a teeny tiny raise. Apparently she let THAT slip to HeeHaw. Who now thinks my finances are HIS business?  He decided to strike up a conversation with Lil C....... I dont know exactly what the conversation entailed, but when I heard HeeHaw had said that the little raise would "make things easier for me"? I saw RED.
How dare he? Easier for me? Yep. Thats it. You keep thinking that you god damn jackass. While you sit in MY house. With your TWO new cars. How dare you judge me. How dare you call me immoral for not giving back the "extra" child support I am receiving every month. How dare you make me look like a money hungry bitch to my children. I hope it comes around to bite you in the ass.
But, hey. I am not bitter. END. RANT.

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