February 3, 2012

Positive Thinking or Divine Intervention?

I am not one of those uber positive thinkers. I will admit it.

Most of the time I am an optimist, but not so over the top that I can't see reality still. Does that even make sense? Just nod and pretend like you understand what I am saying mmmk?

We, PB and I, having been waiting for S-E-V-E-R-A-L months to get word that he was not only qualified for, but accepted in to the latest experimental treatment at the cancer center.

PB is WAY more patient than I have been. I hate seeing him in pain, and as we visibly see the tumors getting bigger, it can be hard for me to bite my tongue, because all I really want to do is SCREAM out in frustration.

Every month PB faithfully goes to the doctor. Sits there, gets poked, prodded and asked 5 thousand questions. Every month he gets scanned to see how his tumors are doing. And every month the doctors keep saying soon. Soon.

I am beginning to hate that word.

So 3 weeks ago, we got the news we have been waiting for.......... PB was approved for the study! Oh, can you even imagine his elation, let alone mine? We were on Cloud 9 folks. It was awesome.

And then the bottom fell out. A week ago. Ugh.

PB was told that in the beginning that there was only 75 spots open for this experimental program. No worries. He was one of the lucky 75. And then a week ago was told that not only was there someone else who was sicker than he was and might get in to the study instead of PB, but now there was another issue as well.

What? Are you kidding me?

PB and I have spent the last week in agony. He more so than I. This is his LIFE we are talking about here.

Now, like I previously mentioned: I am not an overtly positive thinker.

But this week? Anytime this subject came up I was practically exuding positive waves of energy. I refused to believe they would not have PB as part of the study.

Yesterday? We got the call from the doctor we have been waiting for.


He starts in 2 weeks. Huge sigh of relief.

Can't wait.

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