January 30, 2015

I'm not really a germaphobe. Well, I dont think so. Ok, maybe?

I have been sick 3 TIMES in the last 5weeks. First I got a cold. Then got better. Then caught a second cold. Then got better. Then got the damn flu. I am REALLY tired of the runny nose, the cough, the head and body aches and not being able to breathe. I am sick and tired of BEING tired and sick.
I do have some choice words for the snatch that gave me the flu. Ahem. First? Fuck you. Second? Cover your damn mouth when you cough/sneeze/hack in a room full of people. Third? How about you STAY HOME when you are sick?
My general thoughts about the flu:
I didn't have the energy to get off the couch. For 4 days. I am pretty sure that even though my couch and I were married during that time? Said couch would now like an annulment. Because I smelled. BAD. Even I could smell myself by the last day. Through my plugged up nose. After spending 24 hours a day on the couch, for 4 days, I was RIPE.
Why is it you can only breathe out of one side of your nose at a time? Its like Mother Nature is telling you to slow your roll gurl.......thinking you should be able to breathe........ as if.  You roll on to your left side to breathe out of your right nostril. And for that 5 fleeting seconds, you can actually take in a FULL breath, from both nostrils, and you feel ACCOMPLISHED. Only to have that feeling vanish in to thin air. So you frantically roll to your right side, desperately wishing for air to pass through the left side of your nostril. Not happening. I swear you can hear Mother Nature laughing in the background.
Why is it when I have the flu, EVERYTHING annoys the hell out of me for 4-5 days, and I could cry at the drop of a hat?
Even the Kleenex with the lotion in it DOES NOT make my nose feel better when I am plowing through it at the rate of almost a box a day. By the time I add something to soothe my nose, I just have to blow it again and start the lubrication process over. #icant win
For all the coughing that I do, two things result. One, I need to purchase more stock in the Poise pad company. 2 kids+coughing=pee. B, I have a rock hard 6 pack underneath my winter layer. All that coughing is like the best ab workout money can buy you. 
As if ALL OF THAT isnt enough to make you run screaming for the hills? I also got to spend 2 of my VACATION days on the flu. I owe the mother fucker that gave me the flu a few more choice words.
I am FINALLY on the road to recovery. I am off the couch. I have on clean clothes and I have showered. I am starting to get some color back to my cheeks and I no longer sound like Phyllis Diller.

End rant.

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