Non Judgemental My Ass

I know you are all dying to hear more dating escapades, and this one I just KNEW you all would love!

This idiot messaged a friend of mine. His profile was so SPECIAL, I had to share it with you all. This is just a brief glimpse in to what this guy is putting out there. Read it first, and then lets discuss.......mmmkkk?

Hello Ladies,

I'm looking for passionate, beautiful , honest , intelligent, clean, creative, funny, goal oriented, kinky , peaceful in mind and heart woman.. No drugs; 420 okay; social drinker OK. No Smokers please.I am seeking a companion that likes the outdoors whether it's running the streets of downtown Seattle or a trip to Portland, to hiking, biking, camping, or snowshoeing in the Cascades. Let's have fun. Maybe a movie or theater? A drink? Coffee? Tea? Wine? Beer?So, lets be silly, laugh, have fun, listen to music, dance, go to a movie. Let's be ourselves and enjoy each others company .

What I am looking for is something long term I being in monogamous relationship as we'll poly and open relationship I do prefer poly and open relationship but not oppose to monogamous relationship for the right person It happened in the past . I am very open-minded , kind , outgoing , loveable , polite and very respectful , looking for my other soul mate and partner in crime. I love movies (action, suspense , comedy and Disney), video games, reading, window shopping, exploring new restaurants . I like to have a positive outlook on life, even when things are going wrong. My favorite phrase is "Don't stress about things you cannot change." I'm a bit of a smart ass at times, love to make jokes and see a woman laugh and smile .

I'm not picky about age, weight or race but please note I am 30 m black 6.1 black hair brown eye's 155 lbs ( I used to be 260lbs a 18 months ago I work out and want to stay fit and need a partner in the same mind set ) . I'm non judge mental, outgoing and hope to find my missing puzzle piece . What I am looking for in a woman is some one confident , smart , big heart , open minded , family oriented and kinky . I have being divorced twice still friends with both of my ex wifes; I guess I am a sucker for love I do see my self being married and have a family one day; not too many peopple say that but we are good friends honesty is very important to me .

 

(Side note: I did not edit this for spelling or grammar. I took it as it was)

There are so many things wrong with this, I don't even know WHERE to start. Oh wait, yes I do.

What I didn't share was that he has the BIGGEST ears I have ever seen on a guy. They seriously stick out a good 4 inches from his head. Any bigger and you could legitimately call him Dumbo........ because he could achieve flight with those things.

Now, taking his monster ears out of the picture for a moment......... I find his LIST of qualities that he thinks his woman needs to possess to be a bit overwhelming. It feels like he is shopping for a car, instead of looking for a relationship. He wants this feature and that feature and this stereo and that interior........ and he pays GREAT attention to the outside package. Don't get me wrong, we all want to be attracted to our mate, but this guy (read douche waffle) is really more interested in what a girl LOOKS like, and not what is in her mind, her heart, her soul.

 

Instead of finding someone to love, most likely he is turning women off AND away with his list of must have attributes and behaviors. And when you read the "about him" section? If you got past the first couple of paragraphs? You see that he smokes (but he doesn't want you to).

 

If you got past the LIST, you see that he has been married and divorced TWICE.... not a horrible thing. Unless you factor in that this dude is only 30 years old. Red flags anyone???

 

And the absolute BEST line from his profile? I am hoping you agree with me here: "I'm non judge mental". Yeah, ok. Because that what I took from your laundry list of qualities. Good luck dumbass, finding that ONE person in the world who read past all of that ridiculous drivel and STILL decide you are worthy of a date with THEM.

 

I am so tempted to message this ass hat, and attempt to set him straight. And then I realize what a GIGANTIC waste of time that would be. My advice, or that of any other SANE woman, would surely fall on deaf ears. Even his Dumbo sized ones.